Farfetched Fraternization

February 9th, 2007 at 7:38 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , ,

     Even if Dannielynn Hope Smith  was old enough to respond to the question “Who’s your daddy?” I’m sure she’d still be confused.
     Since her birth four months ago to Anna Nicole Smith, there’s been wild speculation about the identity of the father.  At least, that’s what the Mass Media says to justify their feeding frenzy of late.

     At around 2:30PM EST on Thursday, February 8th, 2007, Anna died.

     A few moments later, her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead went public that he was the father, and that he would be taking Dannielynn to raise as his own.

     A few hours later, her attorney, Howard K. Stern (no relation to the shock-jock with the missing K.), went public that he was the father, and that he would fight Birkhead for custody of the four-month-old.

     Today, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Frederick von Anhalt, went public that he was the father, but has no intention of fighting Birkhead or Stern for custody.
     Given the Gabor sisters’ propensities to slap the Hell out of unsuspecting men, this move was a bit surprising.

     Now that there’s no one to deny it, I submit that I am the Father, given that I was conducting business in the immediate vicinity of Hollywood, Florida during the second week of April 2006.  Apparently, Anna Nicole and I used the same toilet within fifteen minutes of one another.


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14 Responses to “Farfetched Fraternization”

  1. Wicked Wench Says:

    NO… Wait… I’m the FATHER

  2. Mark Says:

    ROFLMAO! I guess now we know where “Heinz” came from. 😉

  3. Wicked Wench Says:

    LOL… yea… Heinz is Dannielynn’s unborn twin of another Mother… LOL

  4. Mark Says:

    That’s what Tetracycline and Azithromycin are for. 😉

  5. Wicked Wench Says:

    Heinz is not an infucktion… he is a Chihuahua

  6. Mark Says:

    ROFLMAO Ok, *that* … umm … You need help … lolol

    Speaking of needing help — can someone PLEASE explain to me why she died of cardiac arrest in a hotel room in her hometown?

    Enquiring Minds Wanna Know.

  7. J. S. Says:

    Stern said on the news that he and Birkhead had a threeway with Banana Nicole. Given that Birkhead probably has a decent case for custody: “It can’t be his! My ass is still sore!”

  8. Anita Says:
  9. Pirate Princess Niki Says:

    It wasn’t me. I didn’t do it. LOL

  10. Jewels Says:

    Being admittedly ignorant and uniformed in matters of the recently deceased (bow head and whisper ‘God rest her soul’) Anna Banana, I still have to say that boys sport bananas and girls have hoo hoos, and with one of these, I can get all of those I want. Perhaps Anna Banana Hoohoo is the mother and the father.

  11. fracas Says:

    I loved your post so much I added you to my running list of all the people who claim to be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. But you already know that since you’ve been to my blog.

    So I thought I should maybe invite you to dinner or something. You know… meet the family? Thing is, I’m over 40 and have a husband, a 20 year old, a 16 year old and a 10 year old so I’m afraid for obvious reasons, you won’t be allowed to use the toilet while at the house.

    I’ll be sure not to serve anything like chili or such.

    Deal?

  12. Mark Says:

    Sorry, Fracas, but I must respectfully decline on the grounds that you’re a hottie. I mean, err, married. Err… Thpft.

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