Archive for May, 2010

Calling Over and Over and Over and …

May 25th, 2010 at 11:58 am by Mark
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     Doncha hate it when people call, you ignore it or don’t answer because you’re in the middle of something, and they keep calling over and over and over, not leaving a voicemail, or actually giving you any more than two seconds peace between rings?

     After about the third time, you’re thinking, “Oh, shit, this must be important!”  So you answer the call…
     “Hey? Whatcha doing?”

     My favorite answer?  “Well, dumbass, I was busy ignoring your incessant, non-emergency phone calls, but you interrupted that…”

     Of course, I’ve used a few others. 

     “Ok, do you hear the water?  I am in the f#$*ing shower, ya know…”
     “WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL TO TAKE A DUMP IN PEACE?”
     “What?  So it’s not important?  Well, sorry I was busy whacking it, and I was almost there…. thanks!”

     Of course, three years ago, it was always because, well, “we” were “busy” just about every waking hour.   Callers like that rarely expected to hear two voices answering the same phone… And ya know what…
     I do miss that, if nothing else…

Worry Not, Copenhagen. Metallica’s Vocalist Sucks Just as Bad.

May 19th, 2010 at 4:00 am by Mark
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Apparently, one poor Dutch bastard has been reviled for not knowing the words to Metallica’s “Seek and Destroy.” During their July 2009 show, Metallica’s rhythm guitar and vocalist, James Hetfield, shoved the mic in front of an overeager fan, who rather clearly screamed, “I WANTA DA BACON!” at 1:54.

But in defense of the aforementioned bacon-lover, even Metallica, themselves, have decreed, “BACON VERY IMPORTANT THAT BACON BE AVAILABLE DURING EVERY MEAL.”

Besides… Even Hetfield can’t remember the words to “Ride the Lighning” these days.

I rest my case.

And it’s a good thing, too, otherwise I’ll start picking at Lars’ pathetic California Dutch…

Fiverr.com

The Politically Incorrect Guide to Internet Dating (NSFW)

May 16th, 2010 at 7:00 pm by Mark
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If you’re offended, not to worry. He does explain Men towards the end. Not safe for work due to language. Also not safe for mixed crowds or longstanding, harmonious relationships.