Glenn – blogitude.com http://blogitude.com Can't Laugh at Yourself? We'll do it for you! Tue, 04 Mar 2014 04:19:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.7 5360535 Dear Yahoo… http://blogitude.com/2012/07/23/dear-yahoo/ Mon, 23 Jul 2012 14:35:53 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=5861 Every day when I get bored at work I start browsing around and usually end up on the Yahoo home page for a little while. What’s got me bothered is your stupid AUTOPLAY VIDEO AT HIGHEST VOLUME POSSIBLE policy. I mean c’mon, I’m trying to be discreet and shit and here you go again blasting news to the office or worse, some non-targeted commercial for tampons or something else I have no possible use for…

So — all I ask is that you identify my IP address and only play commercials that are focused soundly around beer, condoms, and breasts, or just plainly turn the sound to minimum and let me choose how loudly I want to hear things.

Sincerely,

Glenn

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Anderson Cooper: ‘The fact is, I’m gay’ http://blogitude.com/2012/07/03/anderson-cooper-the-fact-is-im-gay/ Tue, 03 Jul 2012 21:06:23 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=5824

Me: “well … duh!”

Tip: MSNBC News

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A Bit on the Insensitive Side, Don’t You Think? http://blogitude.com/2012/04/16/a-bit-on-the-insensitive-side-dont-you-think/ http://blogitude.com/2012/04/16/a-bit-on-the-insensitive-side-dont-you-think/#comments Mon, 16 Apr 2012 14:02:23 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=5604 You too can rent this 25′ Titanic Adventure Slide for $300 an hour, so long as you live in Ohio

Note: Photo credits to Fun Makers and The Jetpacker.

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Occupy What? Oh… http://blogitude.com/2011/11/17/occupy-what-oh/ Thu, 17 Nov 2011 20:12:37 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=5214 I can’t say it better than this guy. I’m guessing the characters are fictional, which is too bad. Sure they exist though.

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National ‘Dutch Oven’ Day http://blogitude.com/2011/11/11/national-dutch-oven-day/ Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:00:44 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=5205 OK – so I realize that I’ve been away for a while with no excuse but the call has been loud and clear so to all of my faithful readers, you can sleep easy now knowing that I’m back on the job.

So where did we leave off? I believe I was just starting to get in the swing of criticizing that douche-bag Newt Gingrich. Or was it that pointy nosed chicken looking wife of his? While I can guarantee it was the later, I can also guarantee that no one cares about those two.

So what should we care about? Well, today we should care about farting. And we should care about its effect on our relationships. And we should care about how farting is perceived in the bedroom. And we should help our partners understand how it isn’t our fault. And we should help our partners become desensitized to the effects of farting. So men! Hear my call! It’s time to rally!

For tonight … we fart. And we fart with pride. And we fart knowing that others too are farting. So go forth, eat those beans, eat that corn, chug that pork. And tonight, when the time is right, we will all pull the covers over our heads and share our masterful trumpeting and odoriferous flatulence with our wives, our girlfriends, our lovers!

Welcome to the inaugural ‘National Dutch Oven Day’!

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Newt’s Staff Exodus http://blogitude.com/2011/06/17/newts-staff-exodus/ Fri, 17 Jun 2011 18:29:05 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=5162

Apparently he lost his balls to her as well. Is it me, or does she look like a giant hairless chicken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9TXVMkQ29g

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My Itchy Butt – Part Two! http://blogitude.com/2011/06/07/itchy-butt-part-two/ http://blogitude.com/2011/06/07/itchy-butt-part-two/#comments Tue, 07 Jun 2011 22:30:38 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=3396 Ok, ok. Enough with the itchy butt stuff, right? Wrong! This is going to turn into the longest running itchy butt blog on the Internet.

“It already is”, you say.

Well I’ll respond to that with: It isn’t long enough!

“But what else can you possibly say about your itchy butt?”

  1. That I am not sure why it itches as frequently as it does.
  2. That I am not sure why tags in underwear are designed the way they are.
  3. That I find it humourous that I scratched my ass on camera at John Wayne airport from the first to last gate. That’s right. I scratched my ass while walking all the way from one end of John Wayne to the other. Non-Stop. And after only 5 or 8 beers.
  4. That it was even funnier on the way back to gate 2 where my plane was departing from…
  5. After scratching at an itch for about 12 and a half minutes, it doesn’t itch much any more.

There is so much more to write… but as fate would have it… I’ve got to go change my boxers (suprised?) cuz there’s a funky itch where the tag is.

Ha! You thought I was going to say smell didn’t you?

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My Itchy Butt http://blogitude.com/2011/06/06/itchy-butt/ http://blogitude.com/2011/06/06/itchy-butt/#comments Mon, 06 Jun 2011 20:32:37 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=3394 Have you ever just had the kind of day that no matter what you do, you can’t satisfy the itch on your butt? Mind you, not IN your butt, but ON your butt…

Anyways, turns out I was having one of those days where my butt itched. I was also having one of those days were I was acutely aware of the number of cameras that point at us from varying locations within businesses. The bank had one, the liquor shop had one, the doctors office had at least three, Fry’s and Target both had some, and I’m pretty sure there was even one at the restaurant for lunch.

It leaves me to wonder, how many people, besides those standing behind me at the time, actually watched me scratch at my butt today?

It also makes me wonder, how many people could I get to watch me scratch my butt tomorrow…

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My SoapBox http://blogitude.com/2010/03/30/soapbox/ Tue, 30 Mar 2010 06:01:26 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=3391 Ruminations

Ok – so sitting around I sometimes get to wondering “What The Hell?”.

Today is one of those days.

It seems that the more I read through blogs and whatnot the more I come across people using the wrong words in place of the right ones.

Half the hypocrite, I’m not even sure if these are classified as spelling mistakes or grammatical mistakes. Anyways, what I am getting to are words such as brake and break. How can you mix up saying something like “I like to break for babies” or how about “Sorry officer, I forgot to set the parking break” and my favorite “Yo! I’m so gonna brake yo face!” (when said in a heavy NY accent).

Anyways, it’s not that I’m a brilliant writer and haven’t been known to make a misteak hear or there, it’s just that I wish people would take the time to either get reacquainted with their backspace key or at least visit m-w.com once in a while.

Update – I take great pain in re-stating the fact that California is laying off close to 30,000 teachers. Just think of all the crap you’ll have to read from now on, in addition to my own drivel.

Stepping off the SoapBox

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So you know that story….. http://blogitude.com/2010/03/28/so-you-know-that-story/ Sun, 28 Mar 2010 05:53:12 +0000 http://blogitude.com/2010/03/28/so-you-know-that-story/ The one where the guy takes a shit in the catbox and the girlfriend takes it to the vet to ask what the fuck is wrong with her cat?

That’s funny.

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