Michelle – blogitude.com http://blogitude.com Can't Laugh at Yourself? We'll do it for you! Wed, 31 Jul 2013 17:41:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.7 5360535 Facebook a Mental Hospital? http://blogitude.com/2013/07/31/facebook-a-mental-hospital/ Wed, 31 Jul 2013 17:02:59 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=7179 Is Facebook as bad as Google+, where everyone’s imaginary friends are stuck going in circles as if awaiting their medication?

Mental Hospital - To All My Fellow Nuts: I just realized... We sit & stare at a screen.. We talk to ourselves.. We have imaginary friends, zoos, farms, cities & fake animals.. We cook imaginary food in imaginary bakeries.. We play bingo that gives no money.. We poke people & think it's OK.. We even write on walls.. Think about it.. Facebook is a mental hospital & we are all its patients. Hit like and feel free to share this.. I just did! Party in my ward later...

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Girl’s Restrooms: Now With Rules! http://blogitude.com/2013/02/20/girls-restrooms-now-with-rules/ Wed, 20 Feb 2013 17:29:45 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6619 Signs like these are necessary considering the state of most women’s restrooms these days…

Girl's Restroom: No roasting marshmallows.  No removing the toilet tank.  No making pizza.

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Facebook Photos Horrible for Missing Persons http://blogitude.com/2013/02/19/facebook-photos-horrible-for-missing-persons/ Tue, 19 Feb 2013 17:27:40 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6558 Even if the photos aren’t edited, you’d be under the impression that the average missing person will be making a duckface when located.

She Ratchet: "stop editing ya'lls pics. what if you go missing? how you expect us to find you if you look lik beyonce on facebook & chief keef in person?"

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Thou Shalt Not Steal http://blogitude.com/2013/02/17/thou-shalt-not-steal/ Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:58:57 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6601 For some kids, teaching them about “stealing” can be even more difficult than potty-training.

Prayer: I asked God for a bike, but I knew God doesn't work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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Best Worst Mascara Review Ever http://blogitude.com/2013/02/16/best-worst-mascara-review-ever/ Sat, 16 Feb 2013 17:15:09 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6595 Ever left your most prized, expensive mascara in the car overnight during the summer or winter? Similar effect…

POST OF SHAME.  albinwonderland: "I'm really mad so lemme just put this psa out into the world. DO YOU SEE THIS MASCARA? THIS MASCARA IS CALLED MAYBELLINE THE ROCKET VOLUME EXPRESS. I WENT TO GO BUY MASCARA THE OTHER DAY AND THIS SHIT WAS ONE DOLLAR CHEAPER THAN MY USUAL MASCARA (rimmel sexy curves) SO I BOUGHT IT (because I'm a fool of a took) AND I COULD WRITE SONNETS ABOUT THE WAYS IN WHICH IT IS TERRIBLE. THE BRISTLES ARE ODDLY SHORT AND DON'T CATCH YOUR LASHES PROPERLY EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE RUBBER OR PLASTIC OR SOME PINE NEEDLE SHIT. IT CLUMPED ALL OF MY EYELASHES IMMIDIATELY UPON IMPACT AND THEY WOULDN'T SEPARATE EVEN USING AN EYELASH COMB. IT WOULD NOT COME OFF. AND NO IT IS NOT THE WATERPROOF KIND BECAUSE I CHECKED FOR THAT BEFORE AND AFTER BUYING IT. I USED MAKEUP REMOVER TWICE, CLEANSED MY FACE WITH THE STRENGTH OF GASTON, TONED LIKE OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN IN THE 80'S, AND STILL HAD OPAQUE BLACK STREAKS DOWN MY FACE. YOU KNOW HOW YOU BUY MASCARA AND YOU'RE SO EXCITED TO USE IT AND THEN THE FIRST TIME YOU DO IT'S LIKE THE HEAVENS OPEN UP AND LITTLE CHERUBS FLOAT DOWN FROM PEARLESCENT CLOUDS AND KISS YOUR EYELASHES GENTLY AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING AND THAT BEYONCE HERSELF HAS NODDED AT YOU AND WHISPERED "FIERCE"? USING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WAS MORE LIKE POOPING IN A PUBLIC TOILET. ON A SCALE OF ONE TO HORRENDOUS I WOULD GIVE IT ELEVEN MILLION STARS.  IM MAD!!!" arkhamsiren: "this is the best review of any product ever"

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A Pig Walks Into a Hospital… http://blogitude.com/2013/02/15/a-pig-walks-into-a-hospital/ Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:15:30 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6578 Did you hear the one about the Pig who walked into the hospital?

He's Cured

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Bacon for Valentine’s Day http://blogitude.com/2013/02/14/bacon-for-valentines-day/ Thu, 14 Feb 2013 17:49:13 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6570 I have to admit, it was an odd thing to do, and tasted like cardboard…

Because we both hate all that Valentine's Day crap.... Here's some bacon:

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How to Make Your Own Bacon http://blogitude.com/2013/02/13/how-to-make-your-own-bacon/ Thu, 14 Feb 2013 03:03:13 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6566 Mmm, Bacon! Not done yet

Bacon Seed

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She Can’t Be That Flexible… http://blogitude.com/2013/02/13/she-cant-be-that-flexible/ Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:31:40 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6556 Obviously, it’s not a clown car. Imagine that many trying to climb back in!

Vagina: It's not a clown car.

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Who Do You Blame for Your Farts? http://blogitude.com/2013/02/12/who-do-you-blame-for-your-farts/ Tue, 12 Feb 2013 17:14:16 +0000 http://blogitude.com/?p=6559 Most people blame the dog whenever they fart. We usually blame my four-year-old niece who gets so angry at the accusation, she threatens to run away…

Farted: "Try to blame that one of the dog!"

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