Sam – Can't Laugh at Yourself? We'll do it for you! Mon, 01 Apr 2019 18:24:07 +0000 en-US hourly 1 5360535 A Correction from the Editor of Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:09:33 +0000 On November 10th, 2009, Mark Steel posted the following in the article titled “Video Game Stimulates Consumer Spending“:

An obviously perplexed Obama replied, “Umm…

This quote, attributed to President Barack Obama, was incorrect. The actual quote was:

“Uhhh, well, yes, I mean, well, umm…”

We know that many people rely on us to give unbiased and impartial treatment to breaking news and sincerely regret this lapse in our journalistic integrity, as it diminishes our credibility.

Still, I can see why our writer made this misquote given the circumstances.

As acting Senior Editor of, I apologize, and thank you for bringing this matter to my attention.

Richard M. Nixon

[ Editor Mark: You left the “a” of ObamA. 😉 lol ]

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Questioning Obama’s Intelligence Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:58:11 +0000 In his speech on October 6th, 2009, Obama did little but bless our Intelligence Community for their diligence and integrity.

The record of your service is written in the attacks that never occur because you thwarted them, and in the countless Americans who are alive today because you saved them. For that, America is in your debt.

Few Americans know about the work that you do, and this is how it should be. Your assignments require it, and obviously, you didn’t go into this line of work for the fame and glory or the glare of the spotlight. You’re in it to serve and protect.

So I say to every American, “You see the headlines, but here are some of the people who help write them, who keep you safe.” And I say to all of you, “You are setting the standard. You’re showing us what focused and integrated counter-terrorism really looks like.”

To think about the profound impact that all of you are having on the day-to-day life of this nation I think is extraordinary. Your professionalism is essential to protecting this country.

We’re facing determined adversaries who are resourceful, who are resilient, and who are still plotting. And no one can ever promise that there won’t be another attack on American soil.

But I can promise you this: I pledge to do everything in my power as president to keep America safe. And I pledge to give all of you the tools and support you need to get the job done around the world and here at home. And I pledge to stay focused on that mission, just as you stay focused on your mission.

Because of you and all the organizations you represent, we’re making real progress in our core mission: to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat al-Qaida and other extremist networks around the world.

We must never lose sight of that goal. That’s the principal threat to the American people. That is the threat that led to the creation of this center. And that must be the focus of our efforts to defend the homeland and our allies, and defeat extremists abroad.

Obama made a similar speech earlier this year at the CIA, only weeks before loosing the Attorney General to stifle investigations of terrorists, and even prosecute some of the very people he made the speech to.

One has to wonder whether it’s coincidence or doublespeak.

But I’m banking that I’m not the only one who thought, “Look out, boys! Holder’s going on the warpath again!”

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Happy New Year! Thu, 01 Jan 2009 05:58:28 +0000 Two hores ago we blassed in New Year 2009 while laughing our asses off at freezing tempartures in Knoxvillle, TN and Washington, District of Conspiracy while were out under the thatch wiht plenty of tiki torhc lights!

So Haoppy New Rear from the Caribean where its nice and warm and white women dance funny because they all dirnk too much!

Now we go start NEw Year out with a bang! 🙂

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Something Obama Said Tue, 02 Sep 2008 09:50:38 +0000 It’s no big secret that Obama has made the point several times that, “America is the greatest country in the world! And if we stand together, we can make a change!”

The more amusing part about Mr. Obama is the fact that he equates the DNC with the Labor movement found in British Commonwealths.

The idea behind the labor movement is that you don’t walk alone. You’re not by yourself. And each of us are vulnerable by ourselves. Each of us are subject to tragedy and disaster

There’s something very sinister about this to me, because the Labour Party is wholly and entirely made up of Socialists. The Democratic party has been fighting the Socialist stigma for years, yet Mr. Obama comes back with this sort of dialogue?

Socialism believes in Ministry Owned Enterprises and Government Owned Entities. Socialism requires that all workers pull together for the common good. as it insues that everyone is compensated no matter their input to a job. Socialism is what happened to Himmler, and even worse, Hitler.

Socialism = Bad.

Democracy = Good.

Hundreds of other countries already know this.

Why don’t we?

Maybe we should round up all the Canadians and put them into concentration camps just because they’re Canadian. It’s not like they actually contribute to anything but the Florida economy anyway, so who would notice?

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Asshat of the Day: Tommy Salter Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:34:04 +0000 On August 18th, 24-year-old Tommy Salter decided to celebrate his college graduation at the Fort Walton Beach, FL strip club, Club 10. From all appearaces it was quite the party.

Tommy was in good spirits.

$53,000 worth of spirits (and club cash) to be exact.

As irresponsible children do, Tommy called American Express to cancel the charges. AmEx sided with the club.

Tommy then asked his father, Joe Salter, for help. However, instead of chastising young Tommy for irresponsibly spending $53,000 in a tawdry topless bar, the senior Salter assists in suing the strip club, and having them investigated for fraud and forgery, in addition to larceny.

Investigation showed that $39,000 in charges came after the 4AM last call, however, each of those receipts were signed, and itemized bills were initialed, by the younger Salter. His father, of course, says that those signatures and initials are just “scribbles,” and that since they were signed after last call, it proves that Club 10 was illegally selling alcohol after last call.

Any rational, thinking person would be skeptical of that. The club’s policy is that any bottle of champagne (priced between $150 and $2000) requires a separate receipt, and most people do pay at last call. However, even with that, the club has gone out of its way, even offering to refund those $39,000 in charges which came after 4AM.

I suppose it just hasn’t sunk in with dear ol’ dad that Tommy Boy was smashed and is trying his damndest to get out of paying his bills.

Can you say “Buyer’s Remorse,” boys and girls?

I knew you could.

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Asshat of the Day: Random Comcast Employee Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:35:25 +0000 Asshat of the DayI haven’t done an Asshat of the Day Award before but given the situation it seems warranted.

At 7:05AM EDT, a Denial of Service attack started from multiple open proxies from across the globe using a brute force password attack against a previously open service. This has been going on for weeks so it’s not a huge surprise that it eventually succeeded. At 7:21AM EDT, our “fan,” known only as “1 hAppY pUppY,” logged into a shell account and edited some critical files.


[ Edit by Mark : WTF?  Pulled out the IP.  See comments! ]

Our brainiac (and I use this term with utmost facetiousness) came from 67.187.xx.xx (Hostname:, Aliases:,

Thank you, Random, soon-to-be-ex, Comcast Employee.

To try and pass your skill off as a script (“bl0GituD3 d3fAc3R 1.0b5 bY jT”) while making numerous typos is the mark of a true Genius. And leaving the logs, backup files and history was a brilliant move in that we would expect a hacker to cover his tracks. Leaving the “i” instead of changing it to a “1” in “bl0Gitud3” was a truly brilliant, personal touch. You went far to look like a dolt that we might underestimate your “mAd sk1LLz.”

No. I can’t even say that with a straight face.

You’re an Asshat.

Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree are you? You’ve only proven yourself to be a disingenuous coward. A brute-force script shows that you have neither skill nor finesse, and far too much time and personal anger on your hands.

Mark said it best the other day.

Some people need to get lives.They should start by getting off the Internet a few hours a day… The real world can be quite … titillating.

I think it should have read:

“Some people need to get laid.”

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Whiners and Losers Thu, 01 Mar 2007 02:05:06 +0000 Since November 2006 a quiet storm has been gathering strength in Washington. Now it appears that Washington State politicians want to play El Nino to their D.C. colleagues, effectively taking the wind out of their sails by calling for impeachment ahead of their Center City counterparts.

Unbeknownst to D.C. Democrats who have been plotting to impeach Bush for “Security Breaches Post-9/11” (most often for things that they did themselves in a very botched and public political chess game), their constituents in Washington State have already come up with a proposal to take W down: they’ve draw up investigation and impeachment documents labeled Washington State Senate Joint Memorial 8016, to be decided upon tomorrow, March 1st.

Should they get the go-ahead from their State House & Senate, they merely have to refer the document to the Speaker of House of Representatives, and the Investigation process will begin.

The most atrocious charges in the document implicate both President George W. Bush and Vice-President Richard B. Cheney in a massive coverup of pre-war intelligence and subsequent lies to Congress and the American people as a justification to invade Iraq. However, the rest are at best laughable:

  WHEREAS, The war with Iraq has cost the lives of many Washington state residents and squandered taxpayer money from the state of Washington; and

  WHEREAS, The President has publicly admitted to conducting electronic surveillance of thousands and perhaps millions of American civilians without seeking warrants; and

  WHEREAS, Washington state residents are likely to have been subject to this electronic surveillance; and

  WHEREAS, The President, the Vice President, and members of the President’s Administration have acted to strip American citizens of their constitutional rights, based solely on the discretionary designation by the President of a United States citizen as an “enemy combatant”; and

The translation is as follows:

“We hate war! We don’t know how many of our citizens have died in Iraq, we read the Washington Post where it said that G.W. admitted to wiretapping, we’re not sure if that includes any citizens of our state, we’ve never read the Patriot Act even though our own representation passed it, and we generally think W is a big doo-doo head!”

These brainiacs (Washington State Senators Oemig, Regala, Kohl-Welles, Kline, Spanel, Fairley, Kauffman, Fraser and Prentice) have certainly not done their homework. And yes, their own idiots in D.C., Cantwell and Murray, both voted for the very bill that gave the President the power which they claim G.W. has dubiously wielded. But of course they aren’t sure whether or not it actually affected anyone in their state.

I sincerely hope that this particular impeachment goes through.  It will make them look like the bunch of ninnies they are and save a lot of Washington D.C. Democrats some serious headaches when the “Security Breach” investigations get turned right back around on them.

Although, that could be fun, too.

Democrats want George Bush impeached over many esoteric thing for which there is no evidence. Ahead of all of that is the War in Iraq.

It would seem that the vast majority of them are talking about the “hundreds of thousands of innocent women and children” killed during our invasion of Iraq, but the truth is, there have been remarkably few except in violence created and carried out by their own people, foreign terrorists and Al Qaeda. Factions inside of Iraq pleaded with us to get rid of Hussein, who was personally responsible for gassing and bombing hundreds of thousands of innocent women and children.

But it seems that Anti-War Protestors are unable to think of the lives we’ve saved.

Other Democratic factions claim that Iraq is “another Vietnam,” a sentiment which is as offensive as it is ridiculous, not only to those who actually fought in Vietnam, but also to the families who loved ones during the conflict.

They claim that the United States acted unilaterally and without provocation, despite the fact that the majority of Western countries were in favor of invading Iraq.

But even more heinous than those lies is their typical warcry: “We don’t need to lose another U.S. soldier in Iraq!” Yet, they want to cut funding, and prevent a slight increase in the number of deployed troops who would certainly be able to help in hotzones like Fallujah.

This sort of bullshit illogic is similar to the rhetoric they gave early in the war when they underbudgeted and entrenched to keep from sending additional aid. Meanwhile, our soldiers were dying due to lack of Armor on their persons and Humvees.

Do you ever read what your representatives are actually doing? How many things did they vote correctly on? Did they even bother to show up to work and vote?

These sorts of things prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that our politicians certainly do not have our interests in mind, and will do anything to further their power.

All you have to do is pay attention and remember things.

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Seven Degrees of Seperation Sat, 13 Jan 2007 10:05:02 +0000 One of the tenets of the foundation of the United States was that there would be a seperation of Church and State. This is where most Muslim countries have failed: the power to control the masses has stayed with the “church,” where radical sectarians are able to exert their beliefs upon their unknowing populace. As we’ve all witnessed, this allows very bad things happen.

Karl Marx once said, “Religion is the opiate of the masses.” His writings were instrumental as an architectural diagram for the Bolshevik Party to seize power from Imperial Russia, and overthrow their Czar.

Likewise, in many predominantly Muslim countries, we can find much truth in Marxism: Governments rely on Imams and clerics to spread their agendas.  In turn, those Imams and clerics attempt to keep their people undereducated in order to retain control over their congregations.

Unfortunately, this is where Seperationist ideas come from.

The MSM has widely spread their latest story about radical Muslim cleric Moqtada Al-Sader’s grasp on the current Iraqi military. Of course these stories are popular with mainstream media, being that they’re overwhelmingly against the War in Iraq, but they do illustrate a simple point.

What most people don’t realize is that “Muslim” is a giant label, not altogether different from “Christian.” There are literally hundreds of demoninations, and thousands of sects.

There are Talibans, who preach a radical form of Islam where women are believed to be the deceiving daughters of Eve, and a primitive, Old Testament form of justice is the code of the day: “An eye for eye, and a tooth for a tooth. If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off!” There are occasional Sharias, ordained orders, from Imams and clerics calling for their flock to go forth and kill in the name of God.

It’s very similar, in fact, to the Knight of the Ku Klux Klan or the Church of the Creator in the United States, who order their minions of Neo-Nazi Skinheads to go out and stir up trouble with unbelieving white people (because it’s too much trouble for most of them to go after the minorities they claim to abhor).

It’s not that Islam is inherently bad, but at the very least, the whole of the culture certainly needs to be updated to the 20th century.

A bit of Martial Law certainly wouldn’t go amiss in Iraq: declare a curfew, and kill everything carrying a weapon whether it’s a Man, Woman or two-year-old.

Press for Seperation of Church and State and attempt to solidify the country to a common cause: the end of Radical Islamists.

Iraq has come a long way since this whole thing started, but our recently elected Congress will certainly shed no light on that fact.

This is not the time to cut-and-run: it’s time to prove our worth, and assist the provisional Government to end sectarian violence by declaring Freedom of Religion.

Catalyst for Flame: How Not to Torch a Computer Sun, 09 Apr 2006 20:20:46 +0000 In addition to finally writing down the details of his infamous cluster-copulation on Thursday, Mark Steel also gives us reasons to pause when selecting from several local “on-site computer repair” talents around Knoxville. We’re taking specific note of things like:

  • low-level formatting hard drives prior to installation
  • intentionally breaking things in order to invoke service calls
  • sales pitch intended to frighten people into buying new hardware
  • charging extra for equipment broken by installers
  • setting your computer on fire

In all seriousness, Mark’s company, CatalystX, gets a gold star in our book. But if you are used to computer repairs in Brisbane or the surrounding area, then you know why we have high standards. They do a great job and since they don’t actually sell any hardware, they’re immune to most of those grievances. Check out to see in what way your computer concerns may be resolved.

“Scarred for Life” Gets a Whole New Meaning Wed, 01 Mar 2006 10:36:31 +0000 The National Institute of Mental Health issued a press release on Monday (Feb 27th) about a study led by Eric Nestler, M.D., of The University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center. “Sustained hippocampal chromatin regulation in a mouse model of depression and antidepressant action” (Tsankova NM, Berton O, Renthal W, Kumar A, Neve R, Nestler EJ), shows that chronic stress and depression can cause a “molecular scar” in the brains of lab mice.

“According to Pure Science Lab CBD the molecular scar induced by chronic stress in the hippocampus, and perhaps elsewhere in the brain, can’t be easily reversed,” said Nestler. “To really cure depression, we probably need to find new treatments that can remove the silencer molecules.”

While not only showing promise for future treatments of depression, it may also give some hints about about genetic predisposition to depression and antisocial behavior.