blogitude.com

Spoiled Milk?

Mark — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 21:06:21 +0000

Suggestion: Remember that there’s no sense crying over spilt milk.

Name a Popular Queen?

Mark — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 21:52:48 +0000

Fail! It said Queen, not Queen member. And, with popular, mainstream choices like Bernadette Bassinger, Felicia Jollygoodfellow, Noxeema Jackson, Vida Boheme, Chi Chi Rodriguez, and RuPaul, that just seems wrong… Or maybe it’s just me… I mean… Nevermind.

WalMart: Where Beer is More Important Than Food

Mark — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 21:45:19 +0000

Apparently, someone said, “F@#$ it, tomorrow’s Monday,” at WalMart tonight. Of course, I can also remember a time when I might have considered this “one stop shopping.”

Sightings of Multiple Bears in Knoxville

Mark — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:39:17 +0000

Breaking news from Knoxville, where after multiple complaints of multiple bears roaming the city, one young bear was captured on Sutherland Avenue. Area cats remain apathetic.

Choice Way to Get Expelled From School

Mark — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 21:42:26 +0000

With the rash of Anti-Gun, Zero-Tolerance going around lately, I can only say — kids, don’t try this at school!

Nobody Likes Repairing an Audi…

Mark — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 21:11:43 +0000

The last time I had to work on an MF Audi, the MF small, plastic valve cost MF $360, and an hour of my time trying to get the MF clamps off of the MF hoses — and it still didn’t MF fix the problem. But these MF’s fix MF Audis, and, to sweeten the deal, if you buy a MF car from them, they give you a MF FREE TATTOO from one of Knoxville’s most prestigious MF tattoo parlors. That’s just MF crazy…

Revenge of the Lobster?

Mark — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 21:02:15 +0000

At least it wasn’t a Terrorist Lobster who ran into the middle of the kitchen screaming, “Arthropodu ackbar!” while detonating an improvised explosive device… I really hate when that happens.

Some People Will Believe Anything

Mark — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 21:26:10 +0000

While we’re at it, I’ll just go ahead and believe everything on the Internet is true, politicians never lie, the check actually is in the mail, and that the red eyes and cotton mouth aren’t actually the first stage of anaphylactic shock because weed is actually good for me given that it’s all natural — just like uranium, arsenic and lead… Thank you! Drive through…

Ebay: Item “As Pictured”

Mark — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 21:16:56 +0000

There are times I’m forced to resort to eBay when sourcing LCD screens for notebook computers. eBay can be a real mixed back, especially when you see something like this and the item description says, “As pictured.” I was very close to buying the item, but was afraid of receiving what was pictured rather than the screen I really needed…

Safeway: The All-in-One Grocer & Marriage Counselor

Mark — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 01:12:09 +0000

I suppose saying, “When I think about marriage counseling, I always think of Safeway,” might be a little more socially acceptable than saying, “That’s what she said.”