Posts Tagged with "telemarketers"

A Lil Telemarketing B.S.

November 14th, 2007 at 12:25 pm by Diva
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** The name of the company in question has been changed.

Ok, kids.   I have been doing my bestest trying to be nicer to people.  This has been going on for some time now.  However, nothing gets the better of me than those annoying ass automated phone calls from Joe Solicitor.  Or the calls you get from Sally Salesperson where they ask for you by first name and try to act like an acquaintance…  Dayum.  I thought that shit was borderline illegal on a harassment level.

Anyway, today I turned the tables.  I got an automated call from “Kelly”.  She was offering us the moon and stars and possibly the sun too if we would “press one to stay on the line for a representitive”.

So, I press one.  I hold for a brief 20 seconds or so, expecting “Kelly” will pick up personally and explain to me this great pitch of hers.  A pitch I intended to let her waste her time giving before asking to have all of our business numbers removed from her bullshit auto-dial system.

All that went out the window, when rather than “Kelly”, some deep voiced, crankity, old british dude picked up. 

“You’re not Kelly.”  I say to him, agast that the wool was pulled over my eyes.

“No, that was a recording.  Are you interested in learning more.”  He blurts out in harsh monotone.

“Uh.  No.  Actually.  I’m really, really tired of you people calling us and would like you to remove our number from your database.”

“Done.”  He said as he disconnects my call.

OH NO HE DIDN’T.

God bless *69.  I annoy the shit out of many-a-telemarketer when I can actually get my hands on the number they called from.

So I dial *69 and get the number.  I press each digit and the little british weasel that hung up on me answered.

**”First Asshat”  He answers.

“Yah.  I was connected to you to be removed from your call list and you hung up on me.”  I lament.

“Well, I didn’t hang up, but you have been removed.”  He sneers.

“How the hell am I removed when you only called one of our numerous numbers, sir? Can you explain that?  Do you have a list with every company that notes every number within that company?” 

I’m ready to fight with him by this time. 

“We have them.”  He hangs up again.

So, me (being me), I dial them up again.

“First Asshat”  It was some uptight manly sounding british woman this time.

“I’m calling to be removed from your call list.”

“Yes, that’s why I answered, I heard the conversation with my employee.”  She says.

“It’s pretty simple.  Remove all of our numbers, now, or I will call you 500 times a day until Jesus comes back.”  I tell her.

“They will be removed.”  She retorts as SHE hangs up on me.

Needless to say, I have spent the last hour randomly picking up the phone, dialing the number and saying…

“Hi it’s me.  Only XXX number of the promised calls left today.”

I kind of wonder if I can get in trouble for it.  If anybody would like to have the same big ball of fun as I am, and help me annoy the shit out of these people, I’d be glad to share the phone number with ya.

Happy dialing!

A Lil Telemarketing Fun

September 11th, 2007 at 4:30 pm by Diva
Tags: , , ,

So, we get bombarded with uberous amounts of telemarketing calls every day at the office.  I’m usually not very nice to these poor people.  I know they are just doing their job, but for fuck sake I already have the support from SMR Digital marketing, there is no other type of marketing I need for my business at the moment…  Go back to school, get a degree and get a real job not bothering the people who already have a real job.  Jeeeez, it’s pretty simple.

Some days I’m pissy, so I find it an amusing way to take out some aggression and anger… “I’ve asked you damn people to put me and our other 3 numbers on you damn do not call list. Call me again, I dare ya.”

Some days I’m busy and I simply have no time for the bullshit they are trying to pimp off on me…  “I am way too busy to bother talking to you. Have a great day.”  Then I generally slam the phone in someone’s ear.

Some days I’m bored with work, and blogging, and Poppit, and porn *snicker*, so I may entertain a telemarketer for a few minutes if what they say off the bat is interesting enough to make me release the mouse and stop popping the balloons hanging on my monitor. 

Mind you, I never know if it’s my boss calling from Germany, so I always, ALWAYS answer the phone in an oh-so-pleasant voice… until I find out who it is.

“Good Morning, how may I help you?”  Note how pleasant that is.

“Hello, Ma’am.  This is Sherri.  I’m calling from Fairfield with a wonderful offer that we thought you may be interested in.”

I say, “Oh, really?  What kind of offer do you have there, Sherri?”

Sherri goes on her schpeeeeel now:
“Well, we are calling to offer to individuals who have been pre-qualified in your area, the opportunity to come stay for a week at one of our several resorts, your choice.  All you have to do is come and listen to a presentation about the property and take a tour.  We do have a small fee to cover taxes and meals, but the stay itself if complimentary.  What do you think?”

– First, let me tell ya, I’m sure I’m not prequalified for dick.  Up until a week ago, I didn’t own a home, I don’t have a husband, and I’m sure my credit report would make someone run screaming away…  But I decided what the fuck.  I’m bored.  I’ll play along.

So I say “Can I ask you to hold one sec.  I need to grab this other line.”
Totally a lie, but I need to get Olga to play along with me.  We are life partners from way back.   I run into Olga’s office and tell her the story and she’s all ready to play along.  So, I get back on the phone.

I start off….
“Thanks, Sherri.  I’m glad you held for me, I’d like to consider signing up.  I could use a cheap vacation.  You said there is no obligation?”

Sherri says, “No. No obligation at all.”

I ask, “How much is this fee you were talking about.”

Sherri says, “It’s not much.  Only $275.00 and you can even put it on your Visa or Mastercard.”

I say, “I can put it on a credit card?  But I don’t have a credit card.  My partner keeps them and won’t let me charge anything. Let me put her on the phone.”

I half expected to hear shock and/or awe in Sherri’s voice that my parter is a chick, and a dominating one that won’t give me a credit card at that.  But she was impressively non-judgemental since money talks. For more marketing news and articles, checkout https://hustlelife.net/wealthy-affiliate-review/

Olga gets on the phone, “Hello?”

Sherri said, “Hi.  I’m Sherri from Fairfield.”

Olga asked, “What is this deal that you have Rhonda so excited about that she wants the credit card right now?”

Sherri goes through her whole schpeeeeel again.

Olga says, “Well, I don’t think we are interested.  I do not want to get tied up in a timeshare type deal and I know all about this kind of scam.  Since we aren’t married we aren’t qualified for any kind of couple deals or anything.”

Sherri didn’t want to lose the sale so she said, “Can you put Rhonda back on the phone?”

Olga goes on, “Well, it would be pointless to put her back on the phone since she has no money and no credit cards.  But you have a nice day now, ok?”

At least if Sherri was on an hourly wage, she made her money honestly that day.
And Mom, I’m getting married.  We aren’t really life partners.  Just partners in crime, heh.  =D