Back Away from the Donut, Lardbutt!

April 13th, 2007 at 12:28 pm by Diva
Tags: , , , , ,

Once in while (wink, wink) I’ll hear, see or read something that just gets my panties all in a wad.

I have several ‘sore subjects’, but the one that makes gets my dander up more than anything is the fat people of the world looking for something to blame it on. PLEASE.

As one who has struggled for just shy of one year to lose damn near 70 pounds, I can tell ya this:

  • No, fat is not genetic
  • No, you don’t have big bones
  • No, you can’t lose weight by starving yourself or taking pills.

Fat people are fat because they have not made the decision to motivate and get moving.

There is no miracle pill that you can take to make fat melt. There is no miracle cream that you can rub on your thighs and make them magically disappear into thin air.

Short of surgery, which is an extremely ill idea to begin with, there is only one answer to the timeless question asked of the rolly-polly types: I wonder how I can lose this weight?

Here’s a few pointers (from the master, herself):

  1. Step away from the donut. The donut is evil. The donut will find it’s way down your throat and into your guts, where it will then be disbursed and particles of that donut will live in your hips and double chin forever. Other foods that should be in diet hell are: snicker bars, cheesecake, lasagna, loaded potato soup, all mexican food.
  2. Taco Bell has always been my weakness. However, one day whilst in a bored situation, I was reading what actually goes into some fast food food. EEEWWWWW.If the fact that most fast food is swimming in grease, lard, oil or someother non-digestable mess isn’t enough to keep you out of the french fries, then go one night around 10 and watch the fry guy at McDonald’s empty that big vat of yack that they fry everything in. MMMMMM, MMMMM, Good, I tell ya. Makes me wanna spew.
  3. Starvation. Um, if you don’t give your body something healthy to eat, it’s wired up to know that your dumb ass is trying to starve it. Ask me, what’s my body gonna do if I don’t eat??? Your body is gonna hold on to every single nasty, blobby little molecule of cellulose that it can. You will not lose anything if you starve because your body will be freaking out thinking it’s never going to get to eat again, so it holds onto what it already has. One must eat to lose weight. Funny huh?
  4. Get your fat ass on a treadmill!! My fat ass started out doing 15 minutes at 1.5 miles an hour on the treadmill. And amazingly, what those dang nutritionists and exercise therapists have been saying all along was true. YOU GOTTA DO BOTH DIET AND EXERCISE!!!!You can’t sit around and be a slug. Get off your butt and walk around a little amigo. Your body will thank you for it.

So, I guess the bottom line is, you’re only fat if you choose to be fat. I’m a sport, I can admit it, I’m still a little fluffy around certain sections. But I’ve learned that I can’t blame anyone but me for letting me get out of control. I was a scale tipper, and its a battle everyday.

This is why it chaps my ass to hear all this bull-caca about fat being genetic and fat being a disease…

I stand here today, calling BULLshit, DEFCON 5!


Stock Photos

4 Responses to “Back Away from the Donut, Lardbutt!”

  1. Shawna Says:

    Go Diva! I just love your blogs! Keep them coming! And congrats on the weight loss!

  2. Diva Says:

    I’m blushing now. Thanks, girlie!

  3. Zacque Says:

    I am right ther with you Diva. Fried fast food makes me want to yack too. Glad to see you made it her with the rest of us…

  4. Monty Says:

    And as an addendum to your “starving does not work” thing, I will point out that it appears to work and thus, people are perpetually fooled. What happens is A) You lose some weight because, well, you’re not quite as full of shit as you used to be in a literal sense. 2) As your body goes into starvation mode, not only does it hang onto every calorie and fat gram it gets fed and stores it, but it starts using all your muscle mass as fuel instead. So you get on the scale after starving and you “weigh” less. However, and I have done the experiment on myself as proof, if you get in the tank and test your body fat percentages, you find that the amount of fat in your body has increased, and the amount of lean mass has decreased. Muscle weighing more than fat means, even though you are fatter, you weigh less, because you lost lots of muscle mass. So you think all is cool. Wrong. Losing muscle also lowers your metabolism, so you aren’t just fatter, you are also burning less fat on a day to day basis so, you are getting even fatter….

    Lots of words to say, DO NOT STARVE YOURSELF OR YOU WILL GET FATTER, THOUGH YOU MAY WEIGH LESS.

    My hard advice in this has been to think, “I put on 20-30 pounds over the last year or two. I should be pleased if I can take it off in 6 months. That’s fast!”