Tags: amusement, boredom, humor, telemarketers
So, we get bombarded with uberous amounts of telemarketing calls every day at the office. I’m usually not very nice to these poor people. I know they are just doing their job, but for fuck sake… Go back to school, get a degree and get a real job not bothering the people who already have a real job. Jeeeez, it’s pretty simple.
Some days I’m pissy, so I find it an amusing way to take out some aggression and anger… “I’ve asked you damn people to put me and our other 3 numbers on you damn do not call list. Call me again, I dare ya.”
Some days I’m busy and I simply have no time for the bullshit they are trying to pimp off on me… “I am way too busy to bother talking to you. Have a great day.” Then I generally slam the phone in someone’s ear.
Some days I’m bored with work, and blogging, and Poppit, and porn *snicker*, so I may entertain a telemarketer for a few minutes if what they say off the bat is interesting enough to make me release the mouse and stop popping the balloons hanging on my monitor.
Mind you, I never know if it’s my boss calling from Germany, so I always, ALWAYS answer the phone in an oh-so-pleasant voice… until I find out who it is.
“Good Morning, how may I help you?” Note how pleasant that is.
“Hello, Ma’am. This is Sherri. I’m calling from Fairfield with a wonderful offer that we thought you may be interested in.”
I say, “Oh, really? What kind of offer do you have there, Sherri?”
Sherri goes on her schpeeeeel now:
“Well, we are calling to offer to individuals who have been pre-qualified in your area, the opportunity to come stay for a week at one of our several resorts, your choice. All you have to do is come and listen to a presentation about the property and take a tour. We do have a small fee to cover taxes and meals, but the stay itself if complimentary. What do you think?”
– First, let me tell ya, I’m sure I’m not prequalified for dick. Up until a week ago, I didn’t own a home, I don’t have a husband, and I’m sure my credit report would make someone run screaming away… But I decided what the fuck. I’m bored. I’ll play along.
So I say “Can I ask you to hold one sec. I need to grab this other line.”
Totally a lie, but I need to get Olga to play along with me. We are life partners from way back. I run into Olga’s office and tell her the story and she’s all ready to play along. So, I get back on the phone.
I start off….
“Thanks, Sherri. I’m glad you held for me, I’d like to consider signing up. I could use a cheap vacation. You said there is no obligation?”
Sherri says, “No. No obligation at all.”
I ask, “How much is this fee you were talking about.”
Sherri says, “It’s not much. Only $275.00 and you can even put it on your Visa or Mastercard.”
I say, “I can put it on a credit card? But I don’t have a credit card. My partner keeps them and won’t let me charge anything. Let me put her on the phone.”
I half expected to hear shock and/or awe in Sherri’s voice that my parter is a chick, and a dominating one that won’t give me a credit card at that. But she was impressively non-judgemental since money talks.
Olga gets on the phone, “Hello?”
Sherri said, “Hi. I’m Sherri from Fairfield.”
Olga asked, “What is this deal that you have Rhonda so excited about that she wants the credit card right now?”
Sherri goes through her whole schpeeeeel again.
Olga says, “Well, I don’t think we are interested. I do not want to get tied up in a timeshare type deal and I know all about this kind of scam. Since we aren’t married we aren’t qualified for any kind of couple deals or anything.”
Sherri didn’t want to lose the sale so she said, “Can you put Rhonda back on the phone?”
Olga goes on, “Well, it would be pointless to put her back on the phone since she has no money and no credit cards. But you have a nice day now, ok?”
At least if Sherri was on an hourly wage, she made her money honestly that day.
And Mom, I’m getting married. We aren’t really life partners. Just partners in crime, heh. =D