Posts Tagged with "hockey"

Hockey Game Called for … Fighting?

March 28th, 2010 at 9:09 pm by Mark
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     So basically, the Knoxville Ice Bears vs. the Fayetteville FireAntz Hockey Game gets called because of fighting.  I had no idea they were supposed to be nice to each other…

“Hockey is a lot like chess on ice. Or it would be, if the excitement of chess was based on when the guy with the white pieces shoves his bishop up the other guy’s ass and breaks his neck with a big wooden stick.”

— Stewart King

     Personally, I blame Canada.

Necessity Isn’t the Only Mother of Invention

November 5th, 2009 at 10:58 pm by Mark
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     Necessity isn’t the only mother of invention.  Some inventions are just senselessly ridiculous.  A friend of mine started a short list…

how ’bout..waterproof Teabags..Silent Alarm Clocks…oh.,even better…Black Highlighter Pens

     Now, I’m thinking, sure, stuff like that would be bad to invent.  But I think there are plenty more actual inventions which have been worse.  Although, I have to admit, I’ve seen the black highlighter pens at the Dollar Tree…

     There have been numerous inventions for computers which were just a bad idea.  The USB-powered Hotplate, so you that you could cook a Hot Pocket using your PC, is right up there on the list.   If you’re too lazy  to get off your ass and go to the kitchen, then it’s seriously time to put down the friggin’ keyboard…
     Braille Buttons on the Drive-Through ATM are one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.  I mean, sure, if I couldn’t see, I’d certainly wanna be able to have access to my money.  But to put those on a drive-through ATM makes about as much sense as putting a safety switch on a Remote Control.  Oh, wait….
     Yeah, the Safety Switch on the Universal Remote control, so that your fat ass can’t accidentally change the channel, was a stupid invention.  That’s just brilliant right there.  I mean, as if, “Dont’ sit on the remote” wasn’t implied…
     Heads up displays in cars, where instrument readings like Speed, Temperature and RPM’s — and possibly even GPS data for directions — are displayed on the windshield instead of the dash are kind of a cool idea.  Some asshat turning his windshield into a Computer Monitor, on the other hand, is pretty stupid, especially when combining it with a TV Tuner and a Windows Media Center, as advertised.  People can’t do two things at once any more, and it’s bad enough they can’t talk on the phone and drive.  The last way I wanna end up getting hit at 80 mph on the Interstate is because some asshat just can’t wait five minutes to check their e-mail and catch up on last night’s exciting episode of Lost.
     The TV show Lost was, of course, another dumb invention.  The show has absolutely no purpose except to spin a bunch of inane crap into a non-existent puzzle that will make Tinfoil Hat people live to see the next episode and figure out if their bullshit theory is correct.  And it never is.  These people need to get a life.  Or a Safety for their remote so that some evil bastard like myself could set it so that they can’t easily watch whatever damn channel Lost comes on …

     But seriously.  The worst invention ever … Was scented, flavored tampons.

     Whatever sicko thought that was a good idea I’ll never know.  But let me tell you, it is because of that person I will never buy one certain brand of boots or watch Detroit’s favorite hockey team…

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