Posts Tagged with "movies"

Viberzi vs. Ghost in the Shell

March 29th, 2017 at 9:06 pm by Mark
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I’m having a problem justifying paying $13 to go see an action movie about IBS Girl…

Movie Review: “50 Shades of Grey”

February 28th, 2015 at 5:54 pm by Mark
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Alright, so I finally watched that stupid, softcore chick flick, “50 Shades of Grey.” It might be the worst movie I’ve seen since 2003’s Meg-Ryan-wants-to-lose-her-goody-goody-image-and-inspire-a-future-Miley-Cyrus movie, “In the Cut.” Meg Ryan and Mark Ruffalo underacted that one given the entire script was a steaming pile of banana encrusted poo (damn monkeys), and these idiots did the same thing — it’s an emotionless movie with two full-of-shit characters that no one could possibly give a damn about unless they were just fans because they read the book while drinking a few too many and had the best … ooooh … ohhhh … OHHHH! Yeah. Seriously.

Run-on sentence much? WTF?!

The acting was far less than stellar. As Christian Grey, Jamie Dornan eye-fucked the camera entirely too much, all the while looking like Liam Neeson’s stepson, Sam, in “Love, Actually.” In another interesting parallel, his on-film presence displayed exactly same emotional range as the stark, white DVD cover of “Love, Actually.”

Dakota Johnson’s character, Anastasia Steele, was as lovable and vivacious as Kristin Stewart in Twilight, which puts her just above Grumpy Cat given that she actually cracks a smile a few times. If this is any indication of her acting ability, she would do better sitting on the couch with her father watching old reruns of Miami Vice for tips.

From the opening scene of wondering why Alice — err, Anastasia — fell down a long hole (what?) into some guy’s office, to wondering why the Hell she’s gonna take this kinda shit off a twelve-year-old, it only goes downhill. Oh, he’s a Billionaire. Nevermind. Don’t make me give props to Kanye West… but she ain’t messin’ with a broke, broke … Kim.

As a phenomenon, when you combine “50 Shades of Grey” and the controversy surrounding it with the ravenous feminist blogs that are going around, you kind of expect a little more. I’m going to wait a while before going into the fucked up politics of all that… Seriously, laters, baby… *cough*

50 Shades of Gray is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a criminal minds episode.

All-Female Ghostbusters to Debut in 2016

February 11th, 2015 at 5:52 pm by Mark
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According to news reports, the 2016 edition of Ghostbusters — the reboot featuring an all-female cast — has an official green-light. Reactions from original cast members Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver have been both complimentary and favorable. But until 2016, who ya gonna call?

Who ya gonna call? Goats Butter!

Star Wars Episode VII Trailer: George Lucas Special Edition

December 1st, 2014 at 5:19 pm by Mark
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Laugh, you will, if a sense of humor you have…

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Keep Calm: Shaun of the Dead Edition

February 16th, 2014 at 5:40 pm by Mark
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As many consider Shaun of the Dead to be pure genius in the Zombie-Comedy genre, there’s also the more obscure Cuban-based film, Juan of the Dead, which is equally hilarious.

Keep Calm, Take Car, Go to Mum's, Kill Phillip (Sorry!), Grab Liz, Go to the Winchester, Have a nice cold pint, and Wait for All This to Blow Over