Posts Tagged with "sarcasm"

Movie Review: “50 Shades of Grey”

February 28th, 2015 at 5:54 pm by Mark
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Alright, so I finally watched that stupid, softcore chick flick, “50 Shades of Grey.” It might be the worst movie I’ve seen since 2003’s Meg-Ryan-wants-to-lose-her-goody-goody-image-and-inspire-a-future-Miley-Cyrus movie, “In the Cut.” Meg Ryan and Mark Ruffalo underacted that one given the entire script was a steaming pile of banana encrusted poo (damn monkeys), and these idiots did the same thing — it’s an emotionless movie with two full-of-shit characters that no one could possibly give a damn about unless they were just fans because they read the book while drinking a few too many and had the best … ooooh … ohhhh … OHHHH! Yeah. Seriously.

Run-on sentence much? WTF?!

The acting was far less than stellar. As Christian Grey, Jamie Dornan eye-fucked the camera entirely too much, all the while looking like Liam Neeson’s stepson, Sam, in “Love, Actually.” In another interesting parallel, his on-film presence displayed exactly same emotional range as the stark, white DVD cover of “Love, Actually.”

Dakota Johnson’s character, Anastasia Steele, was as lovable and vivacious as Kristin Stewart in Twilight, which puts her just above Grumpy Cat given that she actually cracks a smile a few times. If this is any indication of her acting ability, she would do better sitting on the couch with her father watching old reruns of Miami Vice for tips.

From the opening scene of wondering why Alice — err, Anastasia — fell down a long hole (what?) into some guy’s office, to wondering why the Hell she’s gonna take this kinda shit off a twelve-year-old, it only goes downhill. Oh, he’s a Billionaire. Nevermind. Don’t make me give props to Kanye West… but she ain’t messin’ with a broke, broke … Kim.

As a phenomenon, when you combine “50 Shades of Grey” and the controversy surrounding it with the ravenous feminist blogs that are going around, you kind of expect a little more. I’m going to wait a while before going into the fucked up politics of all that… Seriously, laters, baby… *cough*

50 Shades of Gray is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a criminal minds episode.

AMC Black History Month

February 10th, 2015 at 5:20 pm by Doug
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Thanks, AMC, for Sunday night’s gut-wrenching episode of The Walking Dead!

AMC Was like: Happy Black History Month

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The Lost Art of Book Covers

January 25th, 2015 at 5:56 pm by Mark
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It’s always funny to see how book covers and movie posters begin to resemble each other during certain time periods…

White People Almost Kissing: A Book by Nicholas Sparks

4chan for Dummies

January 24th, 2015 at 5:14 pm by Mark
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As many have heard on the news, 4chan’s somewhat infamous administrator, Christopher “moot” Poole (known affectionately by his followers as “fag”), is moving on to greener endeavors, leaving the “Anti-social media” site’s day-to-day operations to a reliable team.

Many have been confused by the fact that this made national news, as they usually associate 4chan with a “hacker subculture.” In fact, for eleven and a half years, 4chan has been the single-most prolific collection of Internet “random” that exists, garnering over 42 billion pageviews. That it has very few rules regarding content — and even a few subject-boards with no rules — has earned it a reputation as the delicious, gooey center of twisted, sick Internet humor.

If you’re still sure what that means, 4chan can be summed this easily:

4CHAN Anon: "Fuck off and enjoy your shekels you fucking faggot. You won't be missed. What's next for his career?"  Anon: "Where do we go now?  8can is filth. redit is shit. Wat do"  Anon: "We could go out and talk to people in the real life world."  Anon: "Honest answers pls."

Marijuana Makes You a Mellow Pacifist?

January 20th, 2015 at 5:03 pm by Mark
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It’s perhaps unsurprising how many weed smokers are completely self-absorbed and unaware of their own actions.

So, Marijuana makes everyone a mellow pacifist? Perhaps you should explain that when you're not having a hysterical tantrum, calling me names and threatening me with bodily injury because I disagreed...