Tags: clinton, elections, first-lady, humor, politics, president
Of course, I’m a creature of habit. I’m a total news nerd. I have all of my particular news shows I just have to have on.
Well, since next year is poor George’s last year as the Most Powerful Man in the Universe, we are all going to be barraged with an endless swollen river of mudslinging, dirt digging commercials. We are going to hear all of the dirty little secrets that each and every one of the presidential hopefuls have kept hidden in their closet collecting dust and cobwebs.
Who knows what will come out? Who cares, right? I’m thinking it’s pretty obvious that the political powerhouse called Clinton has already had their dirty laundry dumped out in the middle of the livingroom and inspected right down to the lipstick on ol’ Bill’s fly.
I’ve already made decision for the next Most Powerful Man in the Universe competition.
However, my choice does not have a penis. So, if Hillary gets the prize cow in ’08, she will be the Most Powerful WOMAN in the Universe. Go Hill!!
I have several reasons why I’m digging the fact that she’s in the running for ruler of the universe. Let’s discuss, shall we?
First, Hillary is all about the rights of EVERYBODY, not just the ones with gold lined pockets. She’s spent her adult life going to bat for folks who couldn’t kick some ass on their own. Abused women, neglected and disadvantaged children, victims of 9/11. Everybody.
Second, since she has no way to pull the boys back from hell yet, she’s kickin ass and taking names when it comes to post-war issues that they have when they come home. Some mental, some physical. She’s pushing for a method of identifying traumatic brain injury and other serious issues. She’s highly annoyed that vets are coming home all jacked up and nobody in the current administration could give two flips about what they are going through and how piss-poor their medical care is. Case in point, VA hospitals suck.
C, she’s looking to protect our borders. No, not just Mexico, amigo. But coming in from Canada, too. (You never know what might happen if a stir-crazed canuck gets across the border, eh.) In all seriousness, something needs to be done to prevent illegal immigration before it happens, not after. I mean, if your beef is the crime rate among illegal aliens once they are over here working, then keep the borders locked down and make it hard as hell to slip through. Then, my friend, you’ll reduce the alien crime wave before it begins.
I have a plethora of reasons why I figure Hillary ought to get a shot at MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE, but the most important and the most significant is this:
Who out there can say that Fast Willie wouldn’t make a kick-ass first lady??? Go Bill, go Bill, it’s ya birthday…
Think about it for a minute.
Good morning, America always has the favorite recipes of the First Lady around any major holiday. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Bill in an apron, chatting with Diane Sawyer, whilst beating the sugar, vanilla and butter on medium, which is the key to his perfectly fluffy and light homemade LemonChess Pie? Priceless.
Wouldn’t he make a cool “unofficial hostess” of the White House? Oh yeah. Just what exactly would that exuberant title necessitate? Let’s examine, one by one.
- Decorating of the White House. Can’t ya see? Leather sofas. Whiskey barrel end tables with sexy little ashtrays for his poker buds. La-Z-Boy recliners for all, including the media types.Big screen TVs in every nook and cranny so as not to miss any of the big games.
- Coordination of the Easter Egg Hunt. Billy boy in the bunny suit. All for the enchantment of the children. Hop hop hopping along, helping the tykes fill their baskets to the brim with brightly colored eggs he stayed up all night coloring by himself with a sweet little intern.
- Hosting of receptions at the executive residence. We like it. Can you imagine how these formal functions will magically transform at midnight into ultimate ragers? Poof, the easy listening, string concerto will morph into some spiffy jazz band that Willie can blow his horn to.
I just think Slick Willie is pretty hot for an older guy. He’s a playboy who’s been caught (oooops), and he’s still loved. I’d love to see him being the Host with the Most in ’08.