Restroom Etiquette: A Social Primer for Men

May 2nd, 2007 at 10:11 am by Mark
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     A few months ago, I was using a urinal in a public restroom, minding my business.  As I zipped and turned, some idiot, for reasons still unknown, swung a punch — and missed.  I quickly used the momentum of his failed blow to spin him and throw him down hard.  I held his face to floor for several minutes, all the while explaining the reason this was a bad idea.  Eventually, he said, “Uncle” and I pulled my knee from under his shoulder blade.
     With tears streaming down his face (which, considering his aggressive condition, may have been more to do with several minutes of close proximity to years of stale urine and industrial strength floor cleaner than actual pain), he proceeded to leave the establishment.
     Although he apologized to me and several other patrons for the trouble he’d caused, he did scream, “F#$* you all!  I’m never coming to this place again!” exactly one second before exiting the building.  This is expected behavior from an aggressive asshat.
     Apparently, said asshat had already caused a lot of problems.  Some of the regulars, who had observed the last portion of the short-lived melee, found the situation altogether hilarious.  It wasn’t long after that I was sitting at the bar (no one would find that shocking) drinking an on-the-House pitcher of beer.
     We laughed, discussed, and I was accepted as “part of the family.”  Eventually, the subject of our banter became “restroom etiquette.”

     Though we did not create this video (the fine folks at Zarathustra Studios did it, using The Sims 2Sim City 4 and some other cool stuff), many of these same subjects were touched upon…


6 Responses to “Restroom Etiquette: A Social Primer for Men”

  1. Zacque Says:

    Ahh… What a relief, these words could not have been more true.

  2. Tish Says:

    I laughed out loud at your story. How funny!

  3. Mark Says:

    And every word of it’s true!

    Well, except that I’m pretty sure he was actually crying from pain and embarrassment… But that would have ruined the comedy of it all… heh

  4. Diva Says:

    Never know what kind of hilarity you might find in, say, the men’s restroom. Wow, who would have thought. Where were the camera toting, bathroom jacking Pirates on the one day when a surprise bathroom pic would have been in order.

    We could have “just jacked” the asshat for our growing collection of potty pix.

    hahahahahahaha! Love it! Glad you put him in a position to think about the evil he tried to do!

    xoxo Diva

  5. Zacque Says:

    Yeah, but if you want to see something else unnerving you should take another look at 9:11 in the clip. (:45 seconds remaining.) Mind you this is going on while the words “global peace and harmony” come over the speakers.

    Enjoy 😉

  6. Mark Says:

    Special Guest Appearance by George Michael, huh?