Smell the Holidays

December 22nd, 2008 at 5:51 pm by Mark
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     I had work to do today, run a bunch of errands, and do some laundry.

     Everywhere I went had the foul odor of baby poop.

     It actually gave me a complex.

     I checked my shoes.  And my ass. 

     It wasn’t me. 

     Why do parents take their children out like that, for all day shopping sprees, and never have the decency to change a diaper? 

     Sorry to all you on-the-go mothers out there, but I really don’t feel like smelling your kid’s poop… You had six months to do Holiday shopping (they started it in July this year for f@#$sakes!) and the rest of us having to put up with your Holiday Poo-Fest is even more rude than having to put up with your Demolition Derby tactics in the parking lot and Shopping Cart Homicide at the checkouts…

     You’ve even managed to put me off my hummus…

     Of course, I can’t say much about the fathers, either.  I’ve never seen so many kids on leashes… Like that’s not going to turn them totally kinky when they hit their mid-40’s…

     And what the f@#$ are you people taking your kids shopping for, anyway?  “You can’t have it til Christmas” is considered cruel and unusual punishment in many areas.  So for a week before Christmas, they’re bursting with excitement, and know exactly what they’re going to get…

     Great, ruin the element of surprise and create severe agitation all at once!  They’ll be book-phobic, cheating at video games and popping ritalin like candy before you know it!

     Yeah, Happy F@#$ing Holidays, you bastards!


2 Responses to “Smell the Holidays”

  1. ubermouth Says:

    I am glad to see your humour returning , Mark.

    Merry Christmas to you, my friend!
    xo

  2. ubermouth Says:

    P.S I just want to say, it was a gift stumbling across your blog.