Posts Tagged with "innuendo"

How to Talk Like a Kiwi

June 9th, 2021 at 12:05 pm by Mark
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One of the most difficult things for most people to do is to “talk like a Kiwi,” and make it sound remotely passable. New Zealand’s particular form of English is quite unique, and it’s mostly to do with their pronunciation of Vowels, but also to do with creating syllables in monosyllabic words, and dropping of syllables and consonants in others… mostly… (uttered as a sheepish afterthought, like Newt from Aliens)

For example, a soft “e” is pronounced like an American soft “i” (and, conversely, “i” becomes “e”). “O” is most often a soft “u”, with soft “u” becoming “ah.” “Y” is a hard “e,” no matter how you do it. “R” is only pronounced at the beginning of any word, and succumbs to vowels when anywhere else. And if you wanna know how to pronounce a soft “a,” just forget it. It could be anything. And then, of course, there are exceptions to everything. Throw in a few regional words, and you’re just fucked.
For example:

  • “I’m on my deck eating fish” = “Em on mee dick eatun fesh”
  • “Kia ora, mate!” = “KYOR-uh, met!”
  • “This sounds stupid.” = “Thess SEE-owns fect.”
  • “Where is your restroom?” = “Whiz yah bog?” pronounced “bahg”
  • “I can’t find it” = “Uh cunt.”
  • “Yes” = “Uhh yeh, nah, yeh”

Keep practicing. Once you sound like a complete idiot with a speech impediment, you’re halfway there. Check out this video for more tips.

Your License Plate Says What?!

February 14th, 2017 at 5:14 pm by Mike
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Or is this a possible Stalker Alert for some guy named Ed, because their eyes are watching? The mind boggles…

License Plate: Not Sure if this says, "is loved" or "I sharted"

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Alternative Names for STI’s

January 16th, 2017 at 7:09 pm by Cassie
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If you spread “the clap” to everyone around you, is it called “applause?”

Thanksgiving Holiday Tips for the Lonely

November 9th, 2016 at 2:08 pm by Mike
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Can I suggest, “with whole garlic and pepper,” or is it too late for that?

If you’re lonely during thanksgiving put two lemon halves under the skin of your turkey then you can stuff it. Stuff it real good.

Stock Photos

The Season of Giving Begins at Target

October 14th, 2016 at 5:15 pm by Mike
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Since going to the bathroom to pick up guys wasn’t such a good plan for Target, perhaps their new advertising campaign is a little more compelling…

Target Ad: "The Perfect Gift - Head starting at $9.99"