Tags: amusement, cartoon, friends, humor, pirates, southpark
Thanks, Mark! Looks just like me!
Thanks, Mark! Looks just like me!
So, we get bombarded with uberous amounts of telemarketing calls every day at the office. I’m usually not very nice to these poor people. I know they are just doing their job, but for fuck sake… Go back to school, get a degree and get a real job not bothering the people who already have a real job. Jeeeez, it’s pretty simple.
Some days I’m pissy, so I find it an amusing way to take out some aggression and anger… “I’ve asked you damn people to put me and our other 3 numbers on you damn do not call list. Call me again, I dare ya.”
Some days I’m busy and I simply have no time for the bullshit they are trying to pimp off on me… “I am way too busy to bother talking to you. Have a great day.” Then I generally slam the phone in someone’s ear.
Some days I’m bored with work, and blogging, and Poppit, and porn *snicker*, so I may entertain a telemarketer for a few minutes if what they say off the bat is interesting enough to make me release the mouse and stop popping the balloons hanging on my monitor.
Mind you, I never know if it’s my boss calling from Germany, so I always, ALWAYS answer the phone in an oh-so-pleasant voice… until I find out who it is.
“Good Morning, how may I help you?” Note how pleasant that is.
“Hello, Ma’am. This is Sherri. I’m calling from Fairfield with a wonderful offer that we thought you may be interested in.”
I say, “Oh, really? What kind of offer do you have there, Sherri?”
Sherri goes on her schpeeeeel now:
“Well, we are calling to offer to individuals who have been pre-qualified in your area, the opportunity to come stay for a week at one of our several resorts, your choice. All you have to do is come and listen to a presentation about the property and take a tour. We do have a small fee to cover taxes and meals, but the stay itself if complimentary. What do you think?”
– First, let me tell ya, I’m sure I’m not prequalified for dick. Up until a week ago, I didn’t own a home, I don’t have a husband, and I’m sure my credit report would make someone run screaming away… But I decided what the fuck. I’m bored. I’ll play along.
So I say “Can I ask you to hold one sec. I need to grab this other line.”
Totally a lie, but I need to get Olga to play along with me. We are life partners from way back. I run into Olga’s office and tell her the story and she’s all ready to play along. So, I get back on the phone.
I start off….
“Thanks, Sherri. I’m glad you held for me, I’d like to consider signing up. I could use a cheap vacation. You said there is no obligation?”
Sherri says, “No. No obligation at all.”
I ask, “How much is this fee you were talking about.”
Sherri says, “It’s not much. Only $275.00 and you can even put it on your Visa or Mastercard.”
I say, “I can put it on a credit card? But I don’t have a credit card. My partner keeps them and won’t let me charge anything. Let me put her on the phone.”
I half expected to hear shock and/or awe in Sherri’s voice that my parter is a chick, and a dominating one that won’t give me a credit card at that. But she was impressively non-judgemental since money talks.
Olga gets on the phone, “Hello?”
Sherri said, “Hi. I’m Sherri from Fairfield.”
Olga asked, “What is this deal that you have Rhonda so excited about that she wants the credit card right now?”
Sherri goes through her whole schpeeeeel again.
Olga says, “Well, I don’t think we are interested. I do not want to get tied up in a timeshare type deal and I know all about this kind of scam. Since we aren’t married we aren’t qualified for any kind of couple deals or anything.”
Sherri didn’t want to lose the sale so she said, “Can you put Rhonda back on the phone?”
Olga goes on, “Well, it would be pointless to put her back on the phone since she has no money and no credit cards. But you have a nice day now, ok?”
At least if Sherri was on an hourly wage, she made her money honestly that day.
And Mom, I’m getting married. We aren’t really life partners. Just partners in crime, heh. =D
For a few weeks now, Fracas has been pointing out the fact that plenty of people are searching for Shyamali Malakar, and crotch shots, and ending up at her blog.
Just a few minutes ago, she did a pretty decent post about the whole Shyamali hysteria… Seriously, the girl has attained a level of geek-obsession higher than anyone I can ever remember — even after livinh through the Sam Fox, Amy Weber, Teri Hatcher, Alicia Silverstone, Kate Moss, Gillian Anderson and Callista “Ally McBony” Flockheart years (those were prior obsessions, not my picks).
Nice job, Fracas!
Now let’s see if we can channel teh Internets your way a little…
Ya know, though, Fracas, I still think doing one with Shyamali and ALT’ing it “Shyamali Malakar Nude” would get some serious traffic headed in your direction… 😉
(God, after writing this, I feel so dirty…)
I was slow. I just found this… but apparently it’s made its way around the ‘net before…
The potential for something to go wrong here is astoundingly high, and yet… It kinda… *shakes head* Looks like… Fun… Why, the only thing missing here is the requisite case of Miller Lite…
Can you say Darwin Award, boys and girls?
I knew you could…
I’m a karaoke junkie by nature. Started by accident really. I finished my sentence on the second shift at Rocky Top Farragut and decided I deserved a cold beer and some tasty boneless chicken wings. Across the street I go to BullFeathers… found it interesting to see and hear all the folks trying to sing a song.
It was a few weeks before I’d gathered up the nerve to eek out a song. It was hilarious. I sang Manic Monday by the Bangles. And I sucked wind big time!
So, I wondered if I could sing anything else any better. I told my daddy that I was having so much fun making a complete ass of myself, and he went out and bought me a home karaoke machine with 10 CDs. Go Daddy!
So, I tried me some country. Um, let’s just go with not. I was told I haven’t got enough ‘twang’ in my voice to sing any kind of country. Thank God!!! Diva don’t got no twang!!!!
So, it’s the B97.5/coffee shop stuff I’ve found I’m pretty good at.
I can sing the devil out of Fleetwood Mac. Diva Nix over here.
Love Norah Jones and any kind of oldie but goodie.
But sometimes, I’d love to have a little more of a brazen streak. I want to belt out something that only a bad-ass-chick would do.
Janis Joplin – Bobby McGee
Joan Jett – Do Ya Wanna Touch
Heart – Magic Man
Not that I’m knocking my easy listening and soft rock talent, but…
Why can’t I be a bad-ass-chick??