Even Don Blast Wants Me Dead
January 12th, 2009 at 8:56 pm by Mark
Tags: asshats, humor, sarcasm, spam
Amongst all the usual death threats I get on a regular basis from a very specific group of butt-monkeys who have little else to do with their lives, I found this rather amusing tidbit sitting in my Spam Folder:
Am very sorry for you my friend, is a pity that this is how your life is going to end as soon as you don’t comply. As you can see there is no need of introducing myself to you because I don’t have any business with you, my duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL/ASSASINATE you and I have to do it as I have already been paid for that.
Someone you call a friend wants you Dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told me that he want you dead and he provided us with your name, picture and other necessary information’s we needed about you. So I sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation on you, and they have done that but I told them not to kill you that I will like to contact you and see if your life is Important to you or not since their findings shows that you are innocent.
I called my client back and ask him of you email address which I didn’t tell him what I wanted to do with it and he gave it to me and I am using it to contact you now. As I am writing to you now my men are monitoring you and they are telling me everything about you, but I’m not going to lie, I also happen to get help from a Fast and Focused Resume Service.
Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? As someone has paid us to kill you. Get back to me now if you are ready to pay some fees to spare your life, If you are not ready for my help, then I will carry on with my job straight-up.
WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELL ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL KNOW. REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, IN CASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.
DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7:30PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU THE TAPE OF MY DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD AFTER YOU HAVE COMPLIED WITH MY DEMANDS, THEN YOU CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION. GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR REPLY.
Regards
Don Blast
The funniest thing about this is that regardless of the fact that it’s a complete sham, this pathetic Nigerian scam artist has managed, even with his broken English, to compose an e-mail using better spelling, grammar and punctuation than every single one of the “usual” perpetrators from Southeast Kentucky.
That makes me laugh. 😉
January 12th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
They will have to go through your Wild Cat, and I don’t think they have the BALLS to go there, what do you think? I am trying baby, I love you!
January 12th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
I think they don’t have any balls to begin with, which is why they do it anonymously or use fake names anyway.
January 13th, 2009 at 12:53 am
Too bd for this jerk that there is not one person I know with enough money to pay him to make it worth his while to kill me!!!
January 13th, 2009 at 2:25 am
This was sent to me. It has really ticked me off also. Did you do anything about it? John
January 13th, 2009 at 5:29 am
You should have written him back and said, ‘Dont bother! When I saw your grammar, I killed MYSELF rather than have to finish reading the email.’
Please give them the address of my nutter-the pussy will freak. 🙂
January 14th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Apparently Don Blast’s twin brother Don Blaze wants me dead, as well.
Ann: Still trying?
January 14th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Yes baby!
January 15th, 2009 at 8:16 am
hope you ansjd your girlfriend die you sorry motherfucker!!!!! this never would have happened to me if it wasn’t for her!!! i lost my houses my bussiness my property and everytrhing because i thought hse was hot. did you know we went out motherfucker????? i went and picked her up and took her to norris lake then stayed the night at the country inn and sweets. she sue was good fucking in that hot tub motherfucker! and you think im lying you ask her motherfucker!!!! i fucked your fgirlfriend after she pass out!!! lol and you wonder what happen to you that saturday night at your chistmas party don’t you motherfucker?? you got drugged and we got picture of you getting your cock sucked in your car by michelle and i going to send it to your bitch!!! i wasnt hurting no one all i did was call you and you wouldnt answer the phone and you call the cops on me fucikhead!!!!!! dyes i gave your bother your address. hope you got everything you wajnt for christmas motherfucker becuase now there more on the way motherfucker!!! you think i the only one in trouble you will see motherfucker!!!!!! you sealed your fate now and you will be dealt with!!!!!!!!!!!
January 21st, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Frac. I’m not popular enough to have gotten that yet. Maybe if I’m lucky, Don Blast and Don Blaze have a sister named Donna and she’ll hate me enough to send it to me?
I can only dream.
September 27th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
I received this today.. ABDALLAH DIKE
guess I will be gone from this earth soon.
I Want you to read this message very carefully, and keep the secret with you till further notice, You have no need of knowing who I am, where I live or hotel am lodging here presently,till I make out a space for us to see face to face or I complete my mission,The man who hired me to kill you said he found out you paid assasins to kill his only brother for no just course and for this reason you must also pay with your life at all cost.
I have being paid $6,000.00 in advance to terminate you with some reasons listed to me by the man who contracted my services to execute this job successfully and the balance $4,000 will be paid to me as soon as my job is completed successfully,the man is one I believe you call a friend or a Colleague, I have followed you closely for one week and three days now and have seen that you are innocent of his accusation,Do not contact the police or try to send a copy of this to them, because if you do I will know, and might be pushed to do what I have being paid to do,beside this is the first time I turned out to be a betrayer in my job.
Now listen this man was informed by your enemies that you were responsible for the death of his only brother that is the only reason he wants you dead,I will arrange for us to see face to face but before that,I will want you to agree that you will payme a total of $15,000, $8,000 will be paid now and the and a balance of $7,000 after we meet and I show you your pictures and the recorded tape of my discussion with the man who wants you dead at all cost, you have nothing to be afraid of but i will warn you for your safety not to go out once the time is 7.00pm in the night till dawn until both of us has resolved this issues amicably because I dont actualy know if I am the only person he wants to use in killing you.
I will be coming to see you in your home if you wish or I can tell you a nearby club where both of us can meet, determine where you wish we meet,do not set any camera to cover us or set up any tape to record our conversation,the man is fully in my control now because I told him I am looking for the best time to execute my job and leave no traces behind which has been my manner of operating and he agreed that it is the best idea.
After you have made the first advance payment,I will give you some copies of your pictures he gave to me and a recorded tape that contains his request for me to terminate you and if possible remove the clothes you are putting on and bring it to him for more confirmation which I told him may not be possible, This will be enough evidence for you to take him to court (if you wish to),then you will pay me the balance of $7000.00 depending on our agreement when we meet.
Finally note that I have my informants everywhere I am hired to carry out an execution and if I suspect or find out you tell anybody about this or report it to the Police I will be forced to extend my killings to your immediate family members before I finally destroy you, nobody fucks with me and goes away with it so you are hereby warned of the consequences except you want me to blow your brains out like butter.
You don’t need my phone contact for now till am assured you are ready to comply good. Failure to reply this email means I should go ahead with what I was paid to do.
Note that you have to be fast about everything as time is fast running out on you. Attached to this email is the picture of the man’s late brother which he said you hired assasins to shoot and kill him on your request you can download it and view his picture for your confirmation.
Abdallah Dike