Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Grumpy Cat Weighs In On “What Color Is It?”

February 27th, 2015 at 5:57 pm by Mark
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The entire “What Color Is It?” experiment was a sad social commentary which did nothing but prove that people on the Internet will argue about what’s right in front of them, and that many of them lack basic reasoning skills and, along with that, the ability to understand other people’s points of views. Contrary to all verbal diarrhea by so-called “intelligent” people, the experiment had little to do with higher or lower functioning eyesight or brain function. In fact, the biggest variance in differences depended solely on the contrast levels of the LCD and LED screens that people initially saw the image on.

Grumpy Cat about the "What color is it?" Dress: "Is kiss my ass a color?"

Where Do Plastic Dinosaurs Come From?

February 26th, 2015 at 5:32 pm by Mark
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Seventy million years of continuous evolution and it comes down to this…

Plastic is made from oil.  Oil is made from Dinosaurs. Plastic Dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs.

Stock Photos

So, About All That Snow…

February 24th, 2015 at 5:55 pm by Mark
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Yeah, all this snow is driving everyone nuts. I’ve got nine inches. That should make someone really happy…

Facebook: "10 inches isn't what I expected to get this morning. Or having my boyfriend plowing it at 2 am either! Hope my family flys in okay from Texas tomorrow!"

Gun Safety: It’s Not Just for Kids Any More

February 23rd, 2015 at 3:57 pm by Mark
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You might find it ludicrous, but I know plenty of pussies who should read this book

Pamphlet: How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

Stock Photos

Bostonian Gets Revenge on New Yorker

February 21st, 2015 at 5:25 pm by Mark
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Apparently, they try and do that everywhere…

Boston Craigslist: "This guy took my spot... so I put the snow back.  So I had a marker, and I spent a long time clearing out this spot. I even made a path from my spot to the sidewalk so I wouldn’t have to walk in the streers. According to the Mayor, if you shovel out a spot it is yours for 48 hours after the snow stops. After that it is fair game. This guy didn’t wait 24 hours so I put all the snow back.... I was nice enough to leave the passenger door accessible in case they needed to get in for an emergency... like they left an inhaler inside or something. But I think he is a total dick and got what he deserved. It was a blue and yellow Monte Carlo with New York plates.  --- I hope the owner reads this."