Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Something You Don’t Want to Come Home To

July 3rd, 2012 at 5:50 pm by Mark
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Coming home to find that Edward Cullen took a crap in your toilet and didn’t flush has to top the list.

Bad Product Marketing: Ice Cream

July 2nd, 2012 at 5:43 pm by Mark
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Snapped this at the grocer the other day, and thought, “No thanks. I’ll wait for the Cold ice cream instead of the Paris Hilton variety.”

Stock Photos

What’s in the Sunday Sale Papers?

July 1st, 2012 at 1:37 pm by Mark
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There really aren’t many sale papers in the Sunday newspaper these days, and the things that are on sale are rarely anything useful or necessary. When the pickings are slim, it’s always fun to find something like this.

How Many Innuendos Can You Make About the Weather?

June 30th, 2012 at 5:17 pm by Mark
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My favorite is during Snow season, when I tell everyone, “I got nine inches. The wife’s really happy.”

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Bird on a Wireless

June 30th, 2012 at 10:02 am by Mark
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Even birds of a feather can be untethered.