Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Is Oscar the Grouch Smokable?

January 20th, 2014 at 5:02 pm by Mark
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This would not, of course, explain why he was such a grouch… Aside, of course, from long term use and living in a trash can…

Is it just me, or does Oscar the Grouch look like a giant nug of weed?

Seahawk’s Richard Sherman Creates Broncos Fans

January 19th, 2014 at 11:01 pm by Mark
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The only thing worse than a sore loser is a ridiculously poor winner.

Richard Sherman: "I just made you a Broncos fan!"

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Laughter Important During Zombie Apocalypse

January 19th, 2014 at 7:09 pm by Mark
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Scientists have shown that parts of the Limbic System — a system in the brain that’s critical for our emotions, behavior, motivations, long-term memory, and sense of smell — are stimulated by laughter. This makes laughter a highly important survival skill.

Twitter Caleb Wilde @CalebWilde: "As a mortician, I always tie the shoelaces together of the dead. Cause if there is ever a zombie apocalypse, it will be hilarious."

Colin Mochrie on Zombies

January 19th, 2014 at 5:09 pm by Mark
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For lack of The Walking Dead on a Sunday, I’m trying to imagine what face Ryan Stiles would make after hearing this most excellent question…

Twitter Colin Mochrie @colingmochrie: "How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man's ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?"

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Choked on a Goat and Peed in Your Coffee?

January 18th, 2014 at 7:28 pm by Mark
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The silver lining, I suppose, is that the goat didn’t pee in the coffee…

"Yeah my morning was shitty...and the rest of the day was hot...Monterey is good. This morning I choked on a goat and pissed in my coffee." "Lol!!" "LOL NO...I choked on my TOAST and SPILLED my coffee....fuckin spell check..." "I like the other one better!!" "You would...hippy..."