GirlieGeek tagged me a while back to do this shameless meme, but I’ve been in the dark ages for a while and I’m just now getting to it.

I’m supposed to give 8 totally random facts about who Diva is.

So, here we go:

1.  Diva is a very young grandmother at the ripe old age of 36.  Tyler is a two year old -mohawk sportin – curtain crawler and is truly the love of my life! 

2.  Diva digs travel.  I found a super swell job back in 2000 and stayed here.  It affords me the luxury of travelling both the U.S. and Europe.  I’ve been everywhere I’ve ever thought I might want to go and then some.

Diva just found out today she’s going on a European hoooo-haaaaa in October with stops in Germany, Budapest, Italy and France.  I friggin love my job!

3. Diva does karaoke.   I’m a junkie.  I go to Vegas, I karaoke.  I go to NYC, I karaoke.  Everywhere I go, the camera goes with.  Why, to add to my karaoke scrapbook that was started in 1998.

4.  Diva worked her way through school as an adult.  I was a complete idiot in my younger years and didn’t figure I needed an ed-u-ma-cation cuz I was a-gettin married and he’d take care of me.  Sha, right.  In 2000, I went back to school and graduated in 2006.  Go me!

5.  Diva is on the road to freedom.  By the time I reach the big 4-0:  both of my kids will have graduated high school, I will have my MBA, I will lose a bunch more weight (fingers crossed here), and I will be footloose and fancy free.

6.  Diva loves a super cool cat named Tony.  I’m about to get hitched in September. Pretty cool, huh?

7.  Diva and her bridal party are going to trash our dresses immediately after the wedding/reception.  We haven’t quite figured out said method, but I’m sure it will include rescue scuba divers and a two story dock on Norris.   Zacque, grab your camera.  Mark, grab the scuba gear.

8.  I am an offical member of the Knoxville Zoo.  My Tyler is a lover of the camels, therefore, we venture to the zoological gardens often.  I figured out that it was going to be cheaper in the long-run to have a grandparent annual pass, so I could take the boy to see the animals anytime we want to go.

Diva chooses to tag the following kiddies:

Fracas (because she tagged me, paybacks are a bitch)

Mushy (because he drinks to everything)

And anyone else who’s bored and would like to do it.

     Over the past year, we’ve been inundated with media reports that our spelling and grammatical skills are becoming worse and worse here in the U.S., thanks, in no small part, to Internet E-Mail and Messaging Services.
     Just to show that we still have a long way to go before calling this a Code Red Spelling Emergency, I’d like to share this e-mail that I quite mistakenly received from someone I don’t know in New Zealand:

From: shirley coromandel
Sent: Sunday

Hei sarp steven hows things goin aye???? yeahhh long tym no ea ehehhe and dat thing b4 sori bout dat ehehhe me aint been a snobb just bus.e hows kura yeiiiiiii finished finalli but dumb exams i got one tommorow,wed and thurs and im goin to d pools today eheheh and study so wats ur cell numb??? sum dik whuk stole ma fone hes in 7th but its alguds got anufa one n better but it dont have bluetooth but it has infered….. well enough bout dat wats ur plans for d holies aye???? im off up norf and prob go karapiro wif marz i myt dunno and stay in auks hows was d ball??? well hala wen eva if u dont alguds wish d best for ur exams frum one n onli shurlee

fRuM: SIL.E

     This just screams “Translate me!” doesn’t it?

     Americans are regularly ridiculed or criticized for using Slang and Abbreviations in every day language, most often by chiding English who like to remind us, “We invented the language!”  Unfortunately, this argument is easily shot down by anyone who’s actually been to London and heard the mish-mash of Anglo; some accents are so strong that people from borough to borough cannot understand one another.

     A few years ago, Phonics were apparently dropped from New Zealand school curriculums.  Though I am unable to find any links to substantiate the fact, I’ve spoken to many teachers from New Zealand who are happy to corroborate.  Others who were from New Zealand have spoken about a news story which aired some time between 2001 and 2003, “Are we causing our children brain-damage by teaching whole word learning?”
     Universities worldwide have published papers about Whole Word Learning, some for it, and some against.  It is a commonly held belief that those who can already read have powerful, parallel processors which, under certain conditions, can read words regardless of the order the letters are in. Beliefs like these were what fueled the following 2003 fad (quite possibly inspired by Graham Rawlinson’s 1999 letter to New Scientist):

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

     But is this any reason at all to cave to the idea that “Spelling is too hard,” and lower our standards?

     According to some people, yes, it is!

     Founded in 1908, the U.K.-based group, The Simplified Spelling Society, believes that English spelling is far too difficult for both English and non-English speakers to learn.  Their website only tells of their more recent history (since 1992), most notably where the Society’s Constitution was bureaucracized and its Ten Axioms of English Spelling were reduced to a mere Six in Committee.  Regardless, their Spelling Reform in Context does make for some rather uninteresting reading.

     More interesting is Samuel Clemens’ (aka Mark Twain) “A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling.”

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter ‘c’ would be dropped to be replased either by ‘k’ or ‘s’, and likewise ‘x’ would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which ‘c’ would be retained would be the ‘ch’ formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform ‘w’ spelling, so that ‘which’ and ‘one’ would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish ‘y’ replasing it with ‘i’ and Iear 4 might fiks the ‘g/j’ anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.

Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez ‘c’, ‘y’ and ‘x’ — bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez — tu riplais ‘ch’, ‘sh’, and ‘th’ rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

     How can you argue with one of the greatest American authors of all time?

     On with the translation:

From: shirley coromandel
Sent: Sunday

Hello, Steven.

How are things going with you? It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken. I want to apologize for the way we left things, and let you know that I wasn’t being a snob in not contacting you. It’s just that I’ve been very busy.

Are you enjoying yourself in Kaikoura?

I’ve finished school, but still have exams tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday. But today, I’m going to relax in the hot pools.

What’s your cell number? I’m asking because some [expletive] Senior stole my phone. I’m not so worried about it, though, as I managed to get a replacement. Unfortunately, this one only has Infrared where my other one had Bluetooth.

This weekend, I may go to Lake Karapiro with Meredith, but those plans aren’t definite. I’ll definitely go and stay in Auckland for a while.

How was your party?

Well, again, I apologize for the way we left things. I hope you write back, but I understand if you don’t.

Good luck on your exams!

Your One and Only, Shirley

     Now wasn’t that better?  Why couldn’t this girl have done that before?  Certainly, she should purchase “Morrison’s Sound-It-Out Speller: A Phonic Key to English” ASAP.

     Yesterday, I was called to fix this bug, which caused a SQL error when users would go to the Stats / Leaders page:

Error:

mySQL query error: SELECT m.id, m.name, m.email, m.hide_email, m.location, m.aim_name, m.icq_number,
  f.id as forum_id, f.read_perms, f.name as forum_name, c.state
  FROM ibf_members m, ibf_categories c
  LEFT JOIN ibf_moderators mod ON((m.id=mod.member_id or (mod.is_group=1 and mod.group_id=m.mgroup)))
  LEFT JOIN ibf_forums f ON(f.id=mod.forum_id)
  WHERE c.id=f.category AND c.state != 0

mySQL error: You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MySQL server version for the right syntax to use near ‘mod ON((m.id=mod.member_id or (mod.is_group=1 and mod.group_id=m.mgroup)))’ at line 4

     Not too difficult to spot that first LEFT JOIN is broke … Editing the query in ~/sources/misc/stats.php, line 255, and surrounding `mod` with backticks did the job.

     Although, it’d be nice if customers would keep their software versions up-to-date…

     (“Mark, why so much work talk?”  Because it’s easier to work and laugh than to think about things that are bothering me.  And besides, I’ve only rarely spoken about what I actually do for a living, anyway.) 

     A few days ago, Swankpad’s forum got weird.  Something happened and every post title was set to the same value.  Today, I found out for certain that exactly what code modification was causing it.
     Instead of adding code for upgrades and Mods to phpBB, it’s preferable to use a Patch File for software upgrades, and a neat little thing called EasyMOD to add in any future mods.  EasyMOD is great, and generally makes fewer mistakes than going through many thousands of lines of code to make changes (although, an uninstall feature would be nice!).

     There was a new mod called Akismet Spam Butcher for phpBB that I decided to install last week, just for the heck it — too many spammers.  Though the plugin doesn’t actually *do* anything, it was more of a proof-of-concept for using Akismet with phpBB.  I wanted to see how well it worked in adding Spam flags to the database — which is all it does at present.
     (In all honesty, if you can keep people from registering, that alleviates the spam issue altogether.  😉 )

      Anyway … Take a look at this SQL statement, from phpBB with Akismet Spam Butcher added via EasyMOD:

$sql  = ($mode != “editpost”) ? “INSERT INTO ” . TOPICS_TABLE . ” (topic_title, topic_poster, topic_time, forum_id, topic_status, topic_type, topic_vote, topic_spam) VALUES (‘$post_subject’, ” . $userdata[‘user_id’] . “, $current_time, $forum_id, ” . TOPIC_UNLOCKED . “, $topic_type, $topic_vote, $post_spam)” : “UPDATE ” . TOPICS_TABLE . ” SET topic_title = ‘$post_subject’, topic_type = $topic_type ” . (($post_data[‘edit_vote’] || !empty($poll_title)) ? “, topic_vote = ” . $topic_vote : “”) . ” , topic_spam = $post_spamWHERE topic_id = $topic_id”;

     Sometimes it’s just glaringly obvious where the problem is.

     One Edit, and every post in entire bloody forum gets the post title you edited.

     (Hint:  “$topic_spam = 0”)

     *shakes head*

#—–[ IN-LINE FIND ]———————————
# Yes, we’re still working within the same FIND
# Note that the space here is important, you will need to be sure there is
# a space between what’s there and what we’ll add next
#
 WHERE topic_id = $topic_id”;
#
#—–[ IN-LINE BEFORE, ADD ]————————
#
, topic_spam = $post_spam

     Looks like EasyMOD was the culprit… but then again, I probably would’ve done the syntax a little differently due to the spaces.

     Removing the Spam Butcher anyway … I found a more elegant solution. 😉

     Before I start this little rant, I just wanna say, this is not to ridicule Chris — he’s certainly worth his salt.  This was just an example — and a rather basic one, at that, given that this was more of an oversight than a faux pas — of something that’s been getting on my nerves for years.

     Every once in a while, someone’ll do something, semi-cool with a piece of software, but their execution makes it appear that they’ve forgotten why a given function works the way it does.  It happens a lot these days, and I’m glad I’m old enough to remember “why” things are like they are.

     A case in point — and Chris is a brilliant guy, mind you, and again, I’m not bashing him — was the beginnings of a WordPress plugin (blog software, for the initiated) to show extra formatting buttons in the Text Editor.

function st_addAdvanced($buttons) {
    unset($buttons[22]);
    array_push($buttons, ‘wp_adv’);
    return $buttons;
}

     It’s a pretty elegant little function.  It takes an array called $buttons, and changes the last value to ‘wp_adv’ and returns it.  Unfortunately, it makes things look ugly because of the way the $buttons array is used elsewhere in the code.
     He says, “Ahh, there are some formatting issues to take care of.”

     I’ve always had this bizarre K.I.S.S. approach to programming anyway.  I mean, hey, why bother calling two other functions, unset() and array_push() when I can do what I need with a single, local variable?

function st_addAdvanced($buttons) {
    $x=$buttons[21];
    $buttons[21]=’wp_adv’;
    $buttons[22]=$x;
    return $buttons;
}

     Sure, I could’ve used two, and said, “$a=$buttons; $x=a[21]; $a[21]=’wp_adv’; $a[22]=$x; return $buttons;” to save keystrokes…. but… I’d be wasting as much memory as I gained CPU by foregoing the functions.

     But that’s basically my argument about most Developers these days.  It’s a pretty serious can of worms for me to open, because I know I’ll have developers coming from all over to tell me I’m full of it…  Even though I was writing Assembler before their parents ever met, and have some pretty cool — working, useful, debugged — software under my belt…. Joke ’em if they can’t take a f… *shh*

     Seriously, it’s no wonder our CPU and Memory requirements are so ridiculously high these days.  There’s an API or a DLL or a Library for freaking everything!  Layers upon layers, upon more layers, with repositories and snippets and widgets and scripts galore!

     Our Universities teach this method, often telling people, “Do it this way!” without telling people “Why it should be done this way.”  The “simpler” things get, the more abstract they become.
     They’re not churning out programmers and problem solvers.  They’re churning out memorize-and-regurgitate linkers who can’t write code without the assistance of a Visual Integrated Development Environment.

     Hey … Wasn’t the whole point of all this Link Library, Visual garbage to make software development easier?  Faster?  More bug free?

     I used to sit down with vi, edit or Notepad and it’d take me a couple of days to write a program.

     I can use all these neato-keen, new-fangled hooks and VIDEs, and it’ll still take me a couple of days to write a program…
     But it might take weeks to debug.

     Most developers do the same thing… And spend a lot of time setting up their VIDE.  Or getting a bit of code they copied off the internet to work.  Or…

     But, hey … I’m probably full of it, right?

     As employers, educators and policy makers, we need to get back to basics.  Yes, teach how.  But teach why, as well.