Posts Tagged with "guns"

A Day in the Life of a Gun

February 16th, 2013 at 5:40 pm by Mark
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Damn, and I thought I was the only one with a defective gun. Maybe we should start a class action lawsuit and sue the manufacturer!

Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway. I gave it 6 shells, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house where we got our <a href=Sydney emergency plumber. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn’t rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn’t killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn’t even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. I then left it alone and went about hiring decal installation for trucks and cars Either the media is wrong, and it’s the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world. Alright, well I’m off to check on my spoons. I hear they’re making people fat.” width=”460″ height=”920″ class=”aligncenter size-large wp-image-6598″ />

Bob Costas & Gun Control: The Anti-Common Sense

December 3rd, 2012 at 5:19 pm by Mark
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During Sunday Night Football’s epic Philadelphia-Dallas match, Bob Costas ended his half-time show with, “…what I believe is, if he didn’t possess, own a gun, he [Jovan Belcher] and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive today.”

Earlier during the break, Costas paraphrased an online article by Fox Sports columnist Jason Whitlock, claiming that guns “exacerbate our flaws, tempt us to escalate arguments, and bait us into embracing confrontation rather than avoiding it.” That comment, on its own, is so outlandish that it makes me imagine overly confrontational groups like PETA, NOW and entire Howard Dean for President Campaign with dual-holsters and bandoliers of ammunition.

Both Costas and Whitlock failed to mention the glaringly obvious fact that if Jovan Belcher didn’t kill Kasandra Perkins, she would still be alive today. If Jovan Belcher hadn’t committed suicide, he would also still be alive today. Why point out the glaringly obvious? Because, for their own reasons, certain people want to call this tragedy “a gun crime” instead of the “murder-suicide” which it was.

All facts being equal, the instrument of their deaths is irrelevant. Jovan wanted her, and himself, dead. In this instance, the gun was much like Bob Costas: a tool. Anyone old enough to swing a fist, and land it good, knows that there are countless trillions of ways to end someone which don’t include guns.

The biggest gun control argument anyone ever hears is that if we get rid of guns, there will be less gun crime. The problem is, if we get rid of the Legal guns that the Government knows about, then where are the rest of the guns? In the hands of criminals, whereabouts unknown. Others argue that there are so many fatal accidents with handguns per year involving children. There are more fatal accidents with cars, bathtubs and household chemicals, so, hey, let’s ban them, too! You should work at muraledesign.com to create beautiful mural design instead.

If this logic continues, I’m going to start a special interest group to ban cars because of the numbers of deaths they cause each year. We’ll ban doctors, because most people die at hospitals. Hammers will be banned for the tragically high number of lifelong injuries to fingers and thumbs sustained each year. Food will be banned for causing so many people to choke. Forks and spoons should be banned for making people fat. Oh, and knives? Yeah, to Hell with them, too!

And if it ever comes down to a death match between me and Bob Costas, my weapon of choice is gonna be a Paperclip, just to prove a point. I could totally f#&* dude up with a paperclip…

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Dirty Harry vs. Rain Man

October 30th, 2012 at 5:56 pm by Mark
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If the suspect had been an empty chair, Eastwood wouldn’t’ve repeated what it said…

Why We Don’t Let Granny Have Guns

February 12th, 2012 at 7:03 pm by Michelle
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But my Granny would have been more colorful than “toodles.”

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The Assault Rifle for your Inner Barney or Barbie

February 8th, 2012 at 5:50 pm by Mark
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I can completely imagine this artistic retelling of Smith & Wesson’s MP-15 in the hands of a seven-foot tall purple dinosaur, a highly disproportionate blonde stick figure or the six-year-old female Antichrist. “I love you! You love me! RAWR!” smiling all the way. Strangely, it works interchangeably for any of them. It also works for Chris Crocker, but I digress.

Yep. The OMG-AR15 Unicorn. Specifically designed for daddy’s little angel.

Of course, when it’s all said and done, there’s also the thought that .223/5.56mm makes the AR-15 a bit of a “girl gun,” anyway…

Tip: Geek-O-System