If you see this face in a personal ad, do what she did — run away!

     In case you were dead between April 26th and May 13th of 2005, I’ll recap.

     Duluth, Georgia resident, Jennifer “Deer in Headlights” Wilbanks (pictured above), was about to get married to her fiance, John Mason, in a lavish wedding of nearly seven hundred guests and attendants.
     However, shortly before she was to make the final leap to becoming Jennifer “Dear in Headlights” Mason, she decided to put on some sweats and go for a jog. By the way, do you know that some people are having a problem with excessive sweat? Good thing, there’s an Ultrasound therapy for it.   When she didn’t come back, everyone was worried.
     It made headlines immediately, the picture above being plastered all over every Newspaper, television channel and telephone pole in the continental United States.  Some Media asshats even went so far as to attempt to turn John Mason into another Scott Peterson — viciously accusing him of foul play in the disappearance.  
     The exhaustive search by authorities, family, friends and concerned citizens turned up nothing.  But four days later on April 30th, Jennifer called from a pay phone at a 7-11 in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  She claimed to have been abducted against her will by a man and woman in a van, and that she had been sexually assaulted by the couple.
     Of course, none of that was true, as it turned out.  She’d simply run away, citing that she “needed some time alone.”  She also expressed amazement, saying she didn’t think anyone would be looking for her.

     As a fitting retort, Fox News had a nice little tidbit…

Ryan Kelly, owner of the Park Cafe, an eatery a few blocks from Wilbanks’ house that gave out coffee and sandwiches to searchers, said he was glad Wilbanks was alive and healthy.

“But that being said, this is one of the most selfish and self-centered acts I’ve ever seen. We saw her parents, and you could see the anguish in their eyes. It was terrible,” he said.

“I don’t care where you are — unless you’re in the Amazon rain forest, you’d know everybody was out looking for you.”

     Aside from ruining a wedding of nearly seven hundred people, Wilbanks exhausted State and Federal resources looking for her.  She caused her fiance considerable pain and suffering not only in disappearing and his fearing the worst, but he also had to put up with a Media Hell-bent on trying to pin him as a murderer.  The poor guy also ended up looking a fool for his tearful plea for her safe return.  She exhausted the time, money and resources of citizens groups who assisted in the search.  She wasted the Media’s time, in fact, and we all know what they charge to run a commercial.

     John Mason, however, stayed with her.  Well, for another year, anyway.  They finally broke up in May 2006.

     But in an interesting twist, it was revealed publicly yesterday that Wilbanks was suing Mr. Mason for $500,000.  Regan Media, who bought the rights to the “Runaway Bride” story, gave Mason $500,000.  He bought a house with it.  And, of course, in May, he kicked her out.
     But why did he get the money from Reagan Media instead of her?  Well, while Wilbanks was undergoing therapy (for being — in addition to stupid, selfish and a witch with a capital B — clinically nutso), she made another idiotic move — she made Mason, the guy whose life she turned upside down, her Power of Attorney.
     So now she’s suing for half the money, and another “$250,000 in punitive damages.”  She was even brazen enough to call Mason “overly litigous.”  And still complaining that he hasn’t returned a few wedding gifts — which she apparently used.

     Maybe I’m just mean … but at least $250,000 of that seems entirely frivolous.  As for the other half, there’s a bit of an argument for, too.
     Quite honestly, a ruined wedding of nearly seven hundred people isn’t cheap.  Neither is getting your story front page all over the country.  Nor stopping your entire life.  Nor hiring private investigators.  Nor him paying for her “medical care” over the last year.  Nor…
     And in the long run, surely there’s a cost for him … I mean, the mental anguish of it, being accused of murder, made to look like a fool, putting up with her dumb ass for the next year…
     Get the idea?

     “Overly litigous,” indeed …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FD5ikU6-mDA