Posts Tagged with "reviews"

Book Review: What Does the Fox Say?

January 2nd, 2014 at 5:47 pm by Mark
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This was so abhorrent, I’ll just link to my Amazon Review:

First, I’ll put it succinctly:

WORST. TOILET PAPER. EVER.

Now, if you’re still reading, fine, I will expand that by saying, this totally usurps my previous “worst toilet paper ever!” review, which was Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight boxed set that I bought the woman I was happily married to for a short time. One star is too much for it! I’d give it NEGATIVE ONE BILLION STARS because it chaffed my ass worse than the John Wayne, “True Grit” toilet paper that I bought back in the 70’s.

For now, thanks to this product and the very stiffness of the paper, I have a multicolored hemorrhoid the size of large marble which requires hourly attention. From here on out, I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to experiment with any additional forms of toilet paper EVER AGAIN!

That’s right — from here on out, I’m sticking with Cottonelle!

Well deserved, like the review of the video.

"What Does the Fox Say?" by Ylvis

Hat Tip: The now very happily-married-and-raising-a-famly, Laura Lee. Congrats, girl!

Viral Book Reviews: How To Avoid Huge Ships

December 29th, 2013 at 5:09 pm by Mark
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I’ve never read this book, but the Amazon reviews are nothing short of fascinating.

Instructions too complicated, December 28, 2013
By Eric Post

Instructions too complicated. Got my dick caught in a ceiling fan. I would not recommend this book, except as firewood.

I truly hate it when any book causes me to get my manhood trapped in a ceiling fan.

"How To Avoid Huge Ships" by Captain John W. Trimmer

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Best Worst Mascara Review Ever

February 16th, 2013 at 12:15 pm by Michelle
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Ever left your most prized, expensive mascara in the car overnight during the summer or winter? Similar effect…

POST OF SHAME.  albinwonderland: "I'm really mad so lemme just put this psa out into the world. DO YOU SEE THIS MASCARA? THIS MASCARA IS CALLED MAYBELLINE THE ROCKET VOLUME EXPRESS. I WENT TO GO BUY MASCARA THE OTHER DAY AND THIS SHIT WAS ONE DOLLAR CHEAPER THAN MY USUAL MASCARA (rimmel sexy curves) SO I BOUGHT IT (because I'm a fool of a took) AND I COULD WRITE SONNETS ABOUT THE WAYS IN WHICH IT IS TERRIBLE. THE BRISTLES ARE ODDLY SHORT AND DON'T CATCH YOUR LASHES PROPERLY EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE RUBBER OR PLASTIC OR SOME PINE NEEDLE SHIT. IT CLUMPED ALL OF MY EYELASHES IMMIDIATELY UPON IMPACT AND THEY WOULDN'T SEPARATE EVEN USING AN EYELASH COMB. IT WOULD NOT COME OFF. AND NO IT IS NOT THE WATERPROOF KIND BECAUSE I CHECKED FOR THAT BEFORE AND AFTER BUYING IT. I USED MAKEUP REMOVER TWICE, CLEANSED MY FACE WITH THE STRENGTH OF GASTON, TONED LIKE OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN IN THE 80'S, AND STILL HAD OPAQUE BLACK STREAKS DOWN MY FACE. YOU KNOW HOW YOU BUY MASCARA AND YOU'RE SO EXCITED TO USE IT AND THEN THE FIRST TIME YOU DO IT'S LIKE THE HEAVENS OPEN UP AND LITTLE CHERUBS FLOAT DOWN FROM PEARLESCENT CLOUDS AND KISS YOUR EYELASHES GENTLY AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING AND THAT BEYONCE HERSELF HAS NODDED AT YOU AND WHISPERED "FIERCE"? USING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WAS MORE LIKE POOPING IN A PUBLIC TOILET. ON A SCALE OF ONE TO HORRENDOUS I WOULD GIVE IT ELEVEN MILLION STARS.  IM MAD!!!" arkhamsiren: "this is the best review of any product ever"

New BIC Pens No Good for a Man

January 30th, 2013 at 5:40 pm by Mark
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Now available with the US — with some amazing satire, to boot. I won’t be purchasing them, of course, because I don’t want to be a unicorn (see link).

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