Momma Always Said, Psycho is as Psycho Does

July 21st, 2006 at 5:22 pm by Mark
Tags: , , ,

     Some people can find humour in a blog.  Some people cannot.

     Back in 1997 when I wrote about psycho ex-girlfriends, I think I summed it up nicely.  Is she psycho, or “just someone who you feel is, indeed, full of more @#$! than last night’s dinner casserole?”  There were no invisibile mind-control rays in the post.  There were no “read between the lines” misogynistic overtones, either.
     But it is certainly the only post here that I can think would trigger this kind of response (with the expetives deleted).  The weirder part is, it came from someone here in Knoxville!

From: “laney”
To: “steel”
Sent: Friday, July 21, 2006 10:37 AM
Subject: psychobitch

you [expletive] [expletive]! you should rot you [expletive] piece of [expletive]! just like you to go blogging about it but what people don’t know is how many kids you have running around out there [expletive] [expletive]! all women are not psycho like you treat then you should be castrated you [expletive] [expletive] [expletive]! you piece of [expletive] hope you get aids if you do’nt have it already! [expletive] i shoud cut off your balls when i had the chance! a slow painful death for all your [expletive] evil [expletive]!

     So, first of all, I’d just like to say — I don’t know a Laney.  I think I knew one about ten years ago, back when I was doing sound and stage junk, but actually, I think her name might have been Lydia and her amp was a Laney (but I’m pretty sure was a nutjob, too).
     Secondly, I am absolutely certain that I have no children running around anywhere.
     Thirdly, I never said all women were psycho, and certainly don’t think that.  Like most men, of course, I do make quite a few a jokes about the differences between men and women beyond the obvious.
     Fourthly, how you could wish “castration” and “aids” on someone you’ve never met and don’t know is beyond me.  How about if I said that I feel that people like you should be lined up and shot?
     Fifthly, and finally, you have never had the chance.  It’s also obvious from your rambling that if we’d met, my PsychoMeter would’ve been clicking like a geiger counter over Kiev, and you would have been avoided.

     However, this has given me time to take pause.  I’ve been reminiscing about the old days with a few friends today (none of them know a Laney, either), talking about old girlfriends, dates that went horribly wrong and relationships that lasted well beyond their expiration dates.
     And on that note, some of the stories are just too good not to blog about.  And since I never, have, maybe I should. :-)


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23 Responses to “Momma Always Said, Psycho is as Psycho Does”

  1. Mark Steel Says:

         Oh, the saga continues:

    From: “laney”
    To: “steel”
    Sent: Friday, July 21, 2006 6:05 PM
    Subject: [expletive]

    well that was real smart [expletive]! typical you don’t know me or your five year old daughter [expletive] who youve never ever seen! what the [expletive] is with that? i never asked for child support but [expletive] you for never even meeting her cause she’s a better person that you will ever be! [expletive] you and your old city friends!

         I repeat: I absolutely 100% know damn well I have NO CHILDREN.  Better yet, I only came back to this country in 2002.  It’s obvious you have the wrong person.

  2. Ima Says:

    Mark

    Ive never asked for child support for any of ‘your’ 25 chilldren that Im currently raising. Im getting tired of you bringing in more and more kids. In case you arent aware how these children are being conceived… please allow me to inform you how this is happening.

    1. She comes to your house (first big mistake)
    2. She goes to tinkle.(Just a ploy to plunder in the medicine cabinets)
    3. She sits on the toilet seat (a conscious decision to trap you)
    4. She is pregnant.

    Its just a myth that you have to have intercourse with someone to get them pregnant. An innocent act of sitting on the toilet seat causes pregnancy. Why else do they have toilet seat covers and toilet seat cleaner in public restrooms? In hotels they place a seal on the commodes so that women will know it has been sanitized.

    After reading this, I hope you have a better understanding of how a woman becomes pregnant. My advise to you is…. never bring a woman to your house. Have all women to meet you at Tims. That way when she sits on the toilet seat you wont be the one to blame. (sorry Tim but Mark already has enough children).

    I also believe that not all the women you are placing in the psycho catagory belong there….. …………… Some simply have ‘Penis Envy’.

  3. Joseph Sandler Says:

    LMAO Way to go, Mark! I always heard you were “big” in New Zealand but never imagined you could reach out and touch someone like that. LOL

  4. Mark Steel Says:

    heh … Maybe I should just take alll toilet seats off … that way I wont have to raise them, and it has the bonus effect of alleviating #3 altogether.

    ^5, Joe.  That was much better than my, “must’ve been airmail” comment.  heh

  5. Butta Says:

    The 8 kids that I have by Mark are very well taken care of even though they are believed to be the milkmans kids. All but this last one, are very smart and geeky. Jr, as we shall call him, has a bad habit of saying “Wuff” all the time and I am slightly worried about him. We definately know that he belongs to you. I think it was all of the kissing at the club that got me prego. Speaking of thinkinking about old relationships… Did anyone ever tell you who that girl was that you were kissing that night with the gypsy skirt on? I really want to know the findings of that talk.

    So alas…..
    Along with the Toilet seats…
    you also have kissing that can do it. I also knew a woman who opened a beer bottle and got pregnant but I am sure there is more to that story than they are telling. I also heard that cooking and sharing a spicy meal does it too. I just thought I should warn you. You know allllllllllllllllllllllllllll of us think you are so cute and snuggly. Kinda like a chipmunk. *Shrug* Just becareful!!

  6. laney Says:

    you are so ignorate people you should get a life! don’t let this [expletive] lie to you! did you mark steel isn’t even his real name? [expletive] piece of [expletive] lies to everyone and constantly giving [expletive] excuses why he won’t see his daughter. he is a [expletive] [expletive] and was never in new zealand. that is suck [expletive]! this is just yet another thing he like to hide from his wife because he’s a [expletive] piece of [expletive]! i so would have loved to bring her over to show your wife but it looks like she got wise and left before i had a chance. get real mark. if you want to keep up this sherrade i’ll be happy to tell everyone.

  7. Mark Steel Says:

    Looks like it’s time to turn Comment Moderation back on…

    But thanks, nutjob, for cutting out the middleman.  Just please keep your profanity down, because I’m sick of having to edit it all out.

  8. Ima Says:

    Ive been called a lot of things but never ignorate…LOL

    I know your name isnt really Mark Steel….. Its Dirk Diggler… right???

  9. laney Says:

    you’ll probly be deleting half the stuff i write anyway but you think this is over it isn’t. hope you like your new place. feel good to be back home liar? i hope it keeps you awake at night. you deserve it.

  10. laney Says:

    great now they show up! you are a [expletive] mister alcoholic. hope you choke on pills and drown in your own vomit [expletive]. i’ll bet you drink to kill the pain. probly the only thing that lets you sleep at night [expletive]. why don’t you give your women some dignity and go ahead and kill yourself you [expletive] [expletive]? then we can all [expletive] [expletive] [expletive]. [expletive] [expletive]. you hate women so much you probly take it in the [expletive] you [expletive] [expletive].

  11. Mark Steel Says:

    Ok… I have no idea who you, have no children, and didn’t even live in this country during the established timeline.  As far as I know, this is a prank gone wild. Whatever … this has completely ceased to be funny, and I’ve forwarded the information to [email protected] & the Knox County Sherriff’s Department. Ok? Not cool.

  12. Lily Says:

    Laney honey—first off you need to go to the free health clinic and get them to give you something called “anti-psychotics.” Don’t worry—they’ll see a need for it, you won’t have to fight them. Second, go call the Maury Show and get all your little chilluns paternity tested. Once that happens you’ll realize pretty quick that you never slept with this man. Oh and next time you set your sights on a guy—try picking one without a completely common name!!! This will avoid confusion later on down the line with your next litter of future felons. Bless them all—they’ve got a long road ahead…

  13. Butta Says:

    Wow…shaking my head….I always thought he was Mark Hudginson. Boy was I wrong! Seriously, you need help….

  14. Mark Steel Says:

    Well, the anonymous caller on Saturday morning thought he used to live next door to me in Karns. After I told him I’d never lived in Karns, and hadn’t heard anything more about this, I thought, “Great, it’s over.”

    Tonight, someone’s snooping around the house. *shakes head*

    Some people just don’t learn.

  15. Doobla Says:

    Ok, you guys forgot an obvious one. Sharing a toothbrush can get you pregnant. I knew a guy once that got his sister pregnant by accidently switching their toothbrushes. On a related note, dropping the toothbrush in the toilet after she uses it is proven as effective as the morning after pill.

  16. Lily Says:

    WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!! OK so you can get pregnant by sitting on someone’s toilet and you can get pregnant by sharing a toothbrush…What about drinking after someone? Or sharing a cigarette? Or eating off the same plate? Man I gotta go—there’s a home pregnancy test at Walgreen’s with my name on it……

  17. Mark Steel Says:

    Well, crap! An Ambulance dispatcher has informed me that going to Baileys after 9PM was a sure-fire way to get someone pregnant, too. Due to his close ties to the Medical profession, I trust his judgement!

  18. swanky Says:

    Sleeping is a good way for laney to get pregnant I bet. That’s when the aliens come and take her to the ship and knock her up. That’s always a more reasonable explanation than something like getting drunk and having a one night stand or sleeping with a man that’s not of a race or ethnicity that you were born and raised to allow in the house. Aliens. The new scapegoat. They also will poke men in the butt so that you can be sure you didn’t like actually hook up with a man or anything awful like that. It was space aliens for sure that made your ass hurt…

    To summarize:
    A) [expletive]ing all over the place tends to make your statements sound unreasonable.
    B) Starting with the expletives out of the box makes you appear even more full of [expletive].
    C) Being [expletive] upset about something that didn’t just happen a minute ago, but is apparently the day to day truth for a few years is [expletive] crazy.
    D) Shouting expletives makes sense in a tense situation. Typing expletives is rather retarded.
    E) Let’s see this [expletive] child.

  19. Mark Steel Says:

    Ya know, I was so bored tonight …. A friend of mine said, “Yeah, you missed Laney this past week, huh?”

    I thought about it, and just had to answer, “Yes … but my aim’s improving.”

    Maybe they only let her out on weekends.

  20. Mark Steel Says:

    My mother read this tonight … “You’re awful! Having my grandchild and I can’t see him/her? But there is a bigger problem … Laney can’t spell!”

    I told her, “It’s just because you’re ‘ignorate’.” ;-)

  21. laney Says:

    [expletive] [expletive] had to get new internet because you what the hell is your problem! all because you are too much of [expletive] [expletive] be a man and take care of your daughter [expletive]. your evil and a lier and you may have all these people fooled but you will never fool me i know the realy you [expletive]. enjoy you dinner [expletive]? hope it made you sick you looked like a [expletive] duck walking out of ruby tuesdays. you can afford that and not afford child support [expletive] [expletive]. hope you liked the mess on your deck [expletive]. the least i could do. eat [expletive] and die [expletive]. your getting served tomorrow so hope you stay home for that [expletive].

  22. Mark Steel Says:

    What, you think I won’t just have you kicked off Comcast, too, loser? Gave you just enough rope to hang yourself with, and *now* you’ve done it.

    So here’s some right back atcha — you’re not a even female, but a jealous little “boy.” Someone who’s been out of town for a while. Someone who knows where I ate last night, and that I was sick. Someone who my neighbours wouldn’t think twice about seeing around here even with all the weird stuff going on. And, lastly, someone that cops wouldn’t take action on for a very good reason.

    Basically, you’re an idiot per usual:  you can’t spell, and gave away a too much information too many times.  This last one was classic — way to go, moron!  It’s so Nice to know who ya are, though.  So keep it up — I’ll burn all your asses with felony warrants and restraining orders, Mr. & Mrs. J!

    Of course, that’s it’s I’m feeling really generous.  I may go ahead anyway — I really don’t think anyone would blame me considering.

  23. Mark Steel Says:

    I’ve waited around home the whole day, and haven’t gotten “served.” Although, someone did offer to make me dinner.  Does that count?

    Also had a friend of mine forward some comments off *his* blog where “Laney” has resorted to such tactics as, “You two are gay!”

    Like Swanky said a few posts back:

    “E) Let’s see this [expletive] child.”

    I’ve got nothing to hide here — thus I made this public.  And J — I can see you’ve been cruising the site all day.  Got nothing to say since I found you out, huh? Glad I gave you enough rope to hang yourself.