Asshat of the Day: Perry Caravello

June 5th, 2007 at 12:29 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , , , ,

     There was a movie called Jackass, but Perry Caravello is King of All Jackasses.  Take a look at this bit from his Legal case against … well, everybody:

SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA
FOR THE COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES

PERRY CARAVELLO, Plaintiff
     v.
JIMMY KIMMEL, JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, DAKOTA NORTH ENTERTAINMENT, INC., DON BARRIS, ADAM COROLLA, KLSC, 97.1., VICE MAGAZINE, MTZ.COM, BLACKHOLE PRODUCTIONS, PARAMOUNT PICTURES UTUBES.COM, and DOES 1 Through 100, INCLUSIVE, Defendants

Case No. BC372039
Filed: May 31, 2007

COMPLAINT FOR DAMAGES

1. ACCOUNTING
2. DECLARATORY RELIEF
3. COMMON COUNT (UNJUST ENRICHMENT)
4. FRAUD
5. NEGLIGENCE

[ skip to the good bits ]

FOURTH CAUSE OF ACTION
(FRAUD)
(AGAINST ALL DEFENDANTS)

[ skip to the good bits ]

     14. On or about September 27, 2006, plaintiff appeared on the Adam Corolla radio show as part of the promotion of the release of the DVD sales of Windy City Heat. Plaintiff was promise by Defendant JOHNNY KNOXVILLE that Plaintiff would be paid 10 million dollars if he placed his penis in a mousetrap. Plaintiff agreed to do so, and, much to his emotional tranquility and to his physical harm, was severely injured when the trap went on his manhood. As a direct, proximate result thereof, Plaintiff had to seek out medical assistance for said injuries, pain and humiliation. The afforementioned incident has without Plaintiff’s permission and consent been widely disseminated and circulated on the Internet, to his prejudice, humiliation and emotional trauama. The named Defendants did nothing to prevent the incident from happening at the radio studio, and actually filmed the event without his permission or consent.

     Ummm… WHAT KIND OF DUMBASS ARE YOU, PERRY?

     Children… Playground… One kids says, “I’ll give you a million dollars to lick my spit off the rail!”
     The other kid licks his spit of the rail.  He smiles, and laughs.
     Everyone standing around says, “Ooooooooooh!  Gross!”
     He smiles and laughs.  He doesn’t expect someone to give him a million dollars.  He got the attention he craved.

     So what … You think the rules change when you are supposed to be old enough to know better?  Welcome to adulthood, Dumbass!

     I mean, Dude, your mashed your meat in a device meant to kill animals — what, did you think this didn’t include big lizardsTrouser snakesWaxed dolphins?  You honestly think someone would give you $10 Million for mangling your missileJamming your JohnsonPillaging your pud?  And how can you possibly fathon the thought that someone isn’t gonna make a video when you were the one STUPID enough to waste your willyTrash your torpedoAnnihilate your antlerSabotage your schlongToast your tool?

     That’s why you get the Asshat of the Day Award, Caravello: For going above and beyond the call of duty to prove that you could be a bigger Jackass than P. J. Clapp ever thought about!
     I’m glad you got a female judge — I’m certain that she’ll make the fallacy (pun intended) of your argument quite clear.  And maybe she’ll remember that P. J. Clapp is Johnny Knoxville’s real name…

     Seriously, the next time you have the urge to preserve your pecker, try not placing it in a mousetrap.


9 Responses to “Asshat of the Day: Perry Caravello”

  1. Diva Says:

    I wonder if he’d sue if he were to dip his ding dong into a cup of hot McDonald’s coffee and get his teeny weeny peeny scalded?

  2. Zacque Says:

    Diva thats not funny… I’m sure he’ll get sypathy from a female judge in California… The only way this has a chance is if verbal agreement law is in place in California. Oh well, I think this kind of activity should be put into place for people who have lost thier right to breed or should have anyway. Then again that goes right along with having a properly functioning judical and governmental systems. I’m not saying that ours doesn’t work, I am merely stating that even ours could stand for a little improvement.

  3. Mark Says:

    I think she’ll go all Oxanna Sagdiyev on his ass, since he obviously tried to snap off — or, rather, Mutliate — his own member.

  4. chattiekat Says:

    Any man dumb enough to stick his dick in a mousetrap deserves to have it snapped off.

  5. chattiekat Says:

    *LMAO* at Diva’s comment…

  6. James Marshall Says:

    Clearly Johnny Knoxville has $10m to spare, so it’s not unreasonable to think that he’d be willing to pay such a sum of money to a person to perform such a stunt.

    There lies the key legal difference between this court case and your described events in a playground.

    The money involved could have guaranteed financial security for the rest of the plaintiff’s life, so he may have decided that the injuries he would receive were worthwhile considering the reward.

    Assuming there’s evidence that the money was offered, it would be wise for Johnny Knoxville to settle this out of court quickly as he is unlikely to successfully defend this case.

  7. Mark Says:

    Clearly you have no clue. The opinion of a Dutch Lawyer (Mr. Marshall) holds about as much weight in an American court as a platypus might change the outcome of the secession of Quebec from the Canadian Union.

    Unlike most Socialist countries, the American way of life relies heavily on personal responsibility. If you’re an asshat, you’re very likely to get what you deserve. Suing someone for your own stupidity goes against the very grain of our Freedom.

    It’s a bunch of wannabe comedians — if you’ve watched any of them, or knew anything about any of them, the playground bit is a perfect analogy. I do not, and will not, follow any mentality which says, “This guy was doing that expecting to be paid for his injuries.” That’s almost as big a crock of shit, and with an attitude like that, you’re lucky I don’t give you an Asshat of the Day award.

    Please don’t move here. We have enough asshats of our own without importing them. 😉

  8. Perry F. Caravello Says:

    CONTRACT-CONTRACT-CONTRACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    They would not give me a writen CONTRACT and I did NOT wonna do the stunt unless I had a Writen Contract.
    Knoxville signed a Contract for $10,000,000.00 to play Stone Fury in “Windy City Heat 2” write in front of my face. They said, they would give me a Cameo Role in The Movie.
    They would not give me a writen Contract!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    BUT IT WAS LIVE ON THE RADIO!!!!!!
    THAT RIGHT, THAT IS A CONTRACT???!!!That was why I did IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    SP

  9. Mark Says:

    And you’re STILL A DUMBASS!

    “Dude, I’ll give you $10 Million to lick that booger off the mirror!”

    GROW THE F$&* UP!