Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Dead Script
July 18th, 2009 at 4:29 pm by Mark
Tags: boredom, harry-potter, humor, innuendo, movies, sarcasm, star wars
Some nights, people are up for a bit of self-inflicted boredom and self-abuse which doesn’t require imbibing copious amounts of alcohol and playing six thousand three hundred forty-two games of Solitaire. If you’re one of those people, I suggest you go and see the latest installment of the Harry Potter franchise, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, at your local movie theater.
The movie begins with the main character, Harry Potter (portrayed by the now 40-year-old Daniel Radcliff) standing bloody-nosed next to his “special” friend and mentor, Albus “Gaybeard” Dumbledore. Next, Gaybeard cock-blocks Potter as he finally gets up the cajones to attempt the franchise’s first interracial romance. This repeated cock-blocking continues, as Potter’s best friend Ron Weaseley begins flirting with every girl in the school, including Potter’s only hope of ever getting a piece, Hermione Grainger.
The next seven hours (yes, the film was entirely too long) are filled with droll humdrum, an entirely-too-long game of Quidditch, and a few ridiculous assassinations combined with some rather unspectacular visual effects when compared to the other films. The script itself takes a Star Wars-style detour as Vice Chancellor Snape assists Anakin Malfoy in destroying, err, wait … Well, anyway, yes, Obi-Wan Dumblodore is defeated, but will “only grow stronger.” Whatever.
Hopefully, the franchise will be redeemed with the next film, “Harry Potter Can’t Even Get Laid with a Horcrux.”
July 18th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Well, what box-office smash would be complete without some ambiguously gay/asexual Christ figure getting crucified and returning more powerful than before, I ask you?
However, that HAD been done to death, pardon the pun.
I think what makes the Potter series interesting is the fact that the characters aren’t always “white-hatted lone-rangers”…they’re mischievous, but inherently good…it’s about the choices the characters make….sometimes they fall down and fuck up, but in the end, they get it right:)
Poor Hermione, I think she’s the one that needs to get laid…and I believe just a couple of movies ago, she was twat-swatted?
P.S. – you can credit Shelly for that awesome term, it’s the female equivalent of cock-blocking, lol.
July 18th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
P.S. – My daughter and I took the “hat sort test” at the Potter site not long ago. We placed Gryffindor. Since it’s online, you know it’s true. *snort*
I’m pretty sure you’re a Gryff.
Gryffindors are supposedly brave, not afraid to stand out on that limb and do/say what they think is right and best for everyone (not just themselves) rather than be popular. They’re not trying to be controversial, just…honest. A little eccentric, a little mischievous, but inherently good people.
True Gryffs are rare, especially on the net – only know of one other possible Gryff and that’s Shell.
July 19th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I saw the new Harry Potter!! I really enjoyed the movie. It wasn’t in order of the book but lately no movie is. But i know that if i ever need to cheer up this is a movie to watch. There’s lots of comedy and the actors played the comedy and romance very well. Also, I absolutely adored the acting of Dumbledore in this film. In the previous three films he was very aggressive and loud. However, in The Half Blood Prince, Dumbledore was much more true to the character in the novel, quietly powerful. My favorite one is still the third one, because I liked the time-travel plot on the big screen, but this new one was definitely one of the better ones!!