Posts Tagged with "paris-hilton"

Bad Product Marketing: Ice Cream

July 2nd, 2012 at 5:43 pm by Mark
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Snapped this at the grocer the other day, and thought, “No thanks. I’ll wait for the Cold ice cream instead of the Paris Hilton variety.”

Monday Melee de la Diva – 6/18/07

June 18th, 2007 at 11:14 am by Diva
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1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

 I hate that there are some people in this life that take everything that happens to them seriously.  I guess you’d call them drama queens/kings.   These are the people that must have everything revolve around them.  These are the people who keep the shit stirred.  And if they don’t have their own shit stirring, they go and stir some for someone else… just to keep something going at all times. 

People like this need to be bitch-slapped.  Real problems are drama.  Not the fact that your lay of the day, whom you’ve found on an internet dating site, is seeing no less than 4 other people at the same time as you.  This is not drama.  This is poor judgement.

Real life drama is loosing a child.  Real life drama is wondering how you’re gonna pay the rent.  Real life drama is your car breaking down and having no money to fix it.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

Paris Hilton.  I know it seems like I’m obsessing over her lately.  Maybe I am because I’m bored and have no real life of my own.  Regardless of that, the skank is totally a fake.  Just because she’s locked up in a cage, she’s claiming to have found Jesus.  She told Babs Walters that she’s been reading the Bible and other and a sorted variety of other religion-inspired books. 

First, I’m not so sure that after only 4 days in jail that the girl had time to read AND ABSORB enough information out of the inspired books.  Look, it takes biblical scholars years and years of reading and studying to make heads and/or tails of the Bible.  And she wants to convince all of us common folk that she’s really getting into it and learning something. 

B- Anybody who watches E! News (or Fox or CNN for that matter) has heard about the humongus “Paris is getting out of jail” bash that’s being planned.  Do you think that she’s gonna read enough about Jesus and righteous living that she’s not gonna turn up a bottle and get ripped?   Me either. 

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

I’m extremely unhappy that I went outside on a scorching hot Sunday afternoon to wash my car.  I did a bang up job too.  I even cleaned the wheels with that crap that can eat the skin off of your hands.   It looked super great!

I went in the house to get a glass of ice water.  When I came back outside 10 minutes later a bird had already shit on the trunk.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

I give my kids credit today.  After all that he put them through while they were growing up, they still try to treat their dad with some sort of love and respect.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I am coming out of “sloth” mode and getting motivated to do something and be somebody again.  Which actually feels really, really good.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

I think I’ll wish for sex this week.  Sex and days off from work.  Sex, days off from work and a new car.  Sex, days off from work, a new car and to win the lottery. 

Sex, days off from work, a new car, to win the lottery, and lots of beer.  Yah, that would make today alot of fun.  Sex, on my extra day off, in my new car that I got with my winnings from the lottery which was sponsered by a beer company.

Yah, that’s it.

Now it’s your turn.

meleesmall.jpgYou can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

Politics and Purple Haze

June 9th, 2007 at 1:38 am by Mark
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     Now, Diva’s last blog, “Skank of the Week: Paris Hilton” was funny to me.  Most rational, thinking people think she’s a bit … well … Useless.  I mean, really, what makes her a celebrity?  Why the Hell should anyone care, one iota, about her life in the least?
     Apparently, it’s because she’s rich, and totally enjoys making an ass herself, her family, exploiting the silver spoon, etc. etc. etc.  She’s a train wreck waiting to happen, a poster child for “Rich Bitch.”
     Everyone hates her.

     Free Speech comes to mind…

     We’re just past Memorial Day.  I didn’t blog, because I was busy living my life, being an idiot and having a good time.
     If I had blogged, I would’ve reminded people about all of the people who had died to make this a Free country.  Those are people who made an extreme sacrifice, whether they lived or died, that were dedicated to furthering our Freedom, or the Freedom of a given nation.  They’re people of conviction and character, who stood up and took action while others sat on their haunches waiting for the next episode of blah-blah-blah.

     I also would’ve reminded people about the ideals that those heroes stood for in defense of Freedom in this country.
     I’ve lived in a few other countries, some at others’ suggestions, and found out that Americans, as a whole, take those Freedoms for granted.

     You have the right to be offended.  You have the right to change the channel.  You have the right to read another blog.  You have the right to hate our politicians.  You have the right to vote.  You have the right to marriage.  You have the right to divorce.  You have the right to rant about them on a blog.  You have the right to free yourself of toxic people.  You have the right to file a restraining order against an abuser.
     So long as you’re obeying some pretty loose concepts of law and trying to be a decent person, you can do pretty much anything you want.  Nobody’s telling us what to do — we make our own choices, we lead our own lives, and there’s no Government standing over us to tell us what to read, what to think, what to express.
     That makes us unique in the world.  As much as people “complain” about the “loss of our freedom,” I’d have to say — go live somewhere else for a while, then get back to me.

     So it strikes me as funny, with all of those rights, how some people seem to feel think that they have the right not to be offended — how they might “sue” a blog for a derogatory comment which reveled no personal information whatsoever.  How they might file a gag order on a legal case to prevent it from being talked about, no matter how heinously ridiculous the case might be.  How they might file a “stalking” charge because someone put up a link to a video they didn’t like.

     Hippies ate a lot of Acid, pretending to be activists for Free Speech.

     So … What, uh … Changed?

     Remember Perry Caravello, the guy who’s so Internet savvy he couldn’t even spell “youtube” — or get Johnny Knoxville name right — in a lawsuit?  This is to people like him.  It’s also to “celebrities” who might garner attention via research, and thus benefit, from a sarcastic diatribe…

     G’night, kids.

     God bless.

Tip: Zacque Hitchcock, who found these two perfect examples of video

Skank of the Week: Paris Hilton

June 8th, 2007 at 4:42 pm by Diva
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Okay, when I started blogging, I swore to myself and everything that is held Holy, not to say one word about Paris Hilton. I always felt that she was just not worthy of my attention, as she is a complete and utter attention whore to begin with… why humor her.

But, the courtroom activities of the day have made me realize the err of my ways. She is worthy of being a SKANK OF THE DAY.

Seriously. Let’s say Diva was to go out, do a line or ten, go racing off into the sunset in her pretty little chick-mobile doing 100+ miles an hour. Let’s say the PO-PO blue lighted Diva, found her to be under the influence, arrested her, made her go to court, suspended her license to operate even the simplest motor vehicle.

Do you think Diva would have learned her lesson? The answer is yes. Diva does not desire to spend her days locked up in an icky cell with hardened women criminals that say and do scary things to Diva-like creatures.

But the fact that she was stupid enough to get caught is not why she is the SKANK OF THE DAY. No. On the contrary, she made this list because she was stupid enough to get caught a couple more times driving on said suspended license.

Hello?!?! I know you are filthy freakin rich, and most everybody does most everything for you, but, DUH! Are you STUPID enough to believe that you can get away with the same offense multiple times?? Hire a driver, dumbass! Party your ass off all the time!

In all honesty, I don’t think jail time was warranted. It’s not like she was out there drunker than a skunk. No. She was simply tooling around L.A. like the big Paris dawg she is. You know… shopping, Starbucks… those fruitless tasks that she must endure on a daily basis. Ooops!!!

The city of Los Angeles would have been much better off fining the shit out of her every time she blows it. She is worth ga-gillions. Why not take her for a little more each time she gets out and acts like an ass? Why not have someone watching her for fine-able offenses. The City of Los Angeles would have the money to get police support in Watts where they really need it.

But, they did sentence her. And I went all shades of red when I heard they had released her to house arrest. Why? Mental problems with being in a confined, damp, loud, open place? Not able to eat gourmet? Burritos not good enough for her? Was it not enough that she had her sentence reduced and was only going to have to be there for a minute and a half anyway? Honestly, I’m shocked she made it 10 hours before she flipped completely out.

So, this judge decided that she’s an idiot and now our girl Paris is not only doing her sentence, but she’s doing the whole 45 days. Ooops. Off ya go, lass. Screaming and crying isn’t going to do anything for ya now. Off ya go, with those nice deputies over there. I swear… Drama, drama, drama.

Anyway, let us take a moment to run down the list of why Paris Hilton is a MAJOR LEAGUE SKANK:

1. She has that same stupid pose on the red carpet all the time. Head down-tits and ass pushed out. Well, except that time when she crashed on the motorcycle on the red carpet… I must laugh now, excuse me *ROFLMAO*

Sorry, I’m better now.

2. In and out, in and out, in and out of jail. Now do they let anybody else in and out of jail? Why hell no. Mommy’s money just wasn’t good enough this time.

3. The whole being “best friends with Britney” fiasco. Come on now. Britney was semi-skanky, but Paris managed to drag Britney into BIGTIME SKANKDOM. Hello!?!?! Undergarments… look into them.

**Note. What do you wanna bet she wears her panties for the next 45 days.

4. Even Diva is smart enough not to let any questionable materials out in the open. Hello!?!?! Ever heard of a locked, fire-proof box? Keep your junk in the trunk, sister.

Ok, I feel like I am getting a little bit catty here. And I could go on for miles about why I think Paris Hilton deserves the honor of Skank of the Day, but why?

Am I making me feel any better about being me? No, I rock and I don’t need affirmation anyway. Unlike Paris, I’m the bomb even though I’m not build like Barbie and worth my family’s millions.

In closing a few words to Paris:

They’ll give you blankets if you’re cold. Alot of folks survive college on frozen burritos. You won’t starve. It ain’t the Beverly Hilton (pardon the pun), it’s jail. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

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