Although the story from New Mexico about 81-year-old Chano Mares losing his house — after a burning mouse ran back inside from a fiery leaf pile —- certainly counted as 2006’s most hysterical news story, we find out today that it isn’t true at all.

Mares lost everything — and has no insurance — but the mouse story still makes him smile.

“I started laughing, and I’ll be laughing from now on,” he said. “It’s silly.”

With a little luck, the information that the mouse was already dead will dissuade the imminent-but-misguided crusade of Animal Rights activists-slash-eco-terrorists intent on harrassing an uninsured, homeless, elderly man.

Monty, being a faithful follower of the goings-on of TikiCentral, found a great post by Book of Tiki author, Sven Kirsten.

Apparently, images from his book (along with artwork from several other artists) have been used by an unknown direct mailer, intent on selling their good-luck charm to 83-year-old ladies.

Says Sven:

I feel very conflicted, since this is the funniest thing I have ever come across, right up my alley, along the lines of the Church of Subgenius and other cult parodies. As a matter of fact, it is like taking the mock scientific style of my book to its logical conclusion, pronouncing it to be a REAL cult! Yet I fear that there is a remote possibility that someone will actually buy into this stuff, even though the text and concept are so far out there, it all seems like a joke. Let’s hope no one does.

A good attitude, considering he could probably get a tidy little sum for the flagrant copyright infringement — even the photo of the so-called “Great Magus Haapape Tuarii,” who looks nothing like the Maori he claims to be, is actually ripped from page 160 of the Book of Tiki: a mere waiter at the legendary Mai Kai.

Check it out…

Proof is in the picture —- and bear in mind, this is absolutely NOT retouched! This is the actual ad shown on the Google AdSense section of this very page on January 9th, 2006 at 11:15AM EST!

Man! Who knew? I’ll bet all those Al-Queda who went to Afghanistan to get their Terrorism Certificates really feel stupid now.

Remember, you heard it here first!

On Thursday (5-Jan-06), 700 Club spokesman and former Presidential hopeful Pat Robertson told everyone that Ariel Sharon’s stroke had one simple reason: “God’s wrath.”

Local columnist Sam Venable let him have it but good.

For a man who claims to be a purveyor of Good News, this guy has done more to turn people away from Christianity than an army of atheists.
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The 9/11 attacks?

God’s wrath.

The Gulf hurricanes?

God’s wrath.

(Athletic interpretation: God’s wrath was the reason the University of Southern California lost the Rose Bowl. It had nothing to do with being outplayed and outscored by those heavenly blessed, sin-free cherubs representing the University of Texas.)

In Preacher Pat’s line of reasoning, we should file every unpleasantness in our lives – allergies and flu, monetary and marital failures, vocational and educational woes, transmission troubles and computer glitches – under the general heading of God’s wrath for some sin, known or unknown, that we may have committed.

If so, it’s a wonder the entire lot of humanity down through the ages hasn’t gone insane from guilt.

You have to wonder which Bible it is that Pat Robertson reads, because it really seems to be missing a Testament. It’s probably fallen out with all of the bashing he does with it.

I would urge readers to chip in $0.01 each so we could buy him a new one, with a yellow highlighter marking up the first four books of the New Testament, but I’m sure he’d just hit one of us in the head with it.

Nice … Panda?

This Chinese restaurant is on Callahan Drive in Knoxville. At one point, I did try and ask an elderly gentleman why there was a picture of a Koala above the name Panda Garden. He just kept repeating, “Pan’ Ga’den,” over and over as he nodded and smiled. I tried to explain, but eventually digressed to respond in kind.