Farfetched Fraternization
February 9th, 2007 at 7:38 pm by Mark
Tags: anna-nicole-smith, death, humor, kids, media
Even if Dannielynn Hope Smith was old enough to respond to the question “Who’s your daddy?” I’m sure she’d still be confused.
Since her birth four months ago to Anna Nicole Smith, there’s been wild speculation about the identity of the father. At least, that’s what the Mass Media says to justify their feeding frenzy of late.
At around 2:30PM EST on Thursday, February 8th, 2007, Anna died.
A few moments later, her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead went public that he was the father, and that he would be taking Dannielynn to raise as his own.
A few hours later, her attorney, Howard K. Stern (no relation to the shock-jock with the missing K.), went public that he was the father, and that he would fight Birkhead for custody of the four-month-old.
Today, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Frederick von Anhalt, went public that he was the father, but has no intention of fighting Birkhead or Stern for custody.
Given the Gabor sisters’ propensities to slap the Hell out of unsuspecting men, this move was a bit surprising.
Now that there’s no one to deny it, I submit that I am the Father, given that I was conducting business in the immediate vicinity of Hollywood, Florida during the second week of April 2006. Apparently, Anna Nicole and I used the same toilet within fifteen minutes of one another.
February 9th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
NO… Wait… I’m the FATHER
February 9th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
ROFLMAO! I guess now we know where “Heinz” came from. 😉
February 9th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
LOL… yea… Heinz is Dannielynn’s unborn twin of another Mother… LOL
February 9th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
That’s what Tetracycline and Azithromycin are for. 😉
February 9th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Heinz is not an infucktion… he is a Chihuahua
February 9th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
ROFLMAO Ok, *that* … umm … You need help … lolol
Speaking of needing help — can someone PLEASE explain to me why she died of cardiac arrest in a hotel room in her hometown?
Enquiring Minds Wanna Know.
February 9th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
Stern said on the news that he and Birkhead had a threeway with Banana Nicole. Given that Birkhead probably has a decent case for custody: “It can’t be his! My ass is still sore!”
February 9th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
February 9th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
It wasn’t me. I didn’t do it. LOL
February 11th, 2007 at 3:54 am
Being admittedly ignorant and uniformed in matters of the recently deceased (bow head and whisper ‘God rest her soul’) Anna Banana, I still have to say that boys sport bananas and girls have hoo hoos, and with one of these, I can get all of those I want. Perhaps Anna Banana Hoohoo is the mother and the father.
February 13th, 2007 at 2:12 am
I loved your post so much I added you to my running list of all the people who claim to be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. But you already know that since you’ve been to my blog.
So I thought I should maybe invite you to dinner or something. You know… meet the family? Thing is, I’m over 40 and have a husband, a 20 year old, a 16 year old and a 10 year old so I’m afraid for obvious reasons, you won’t be allowed to use the toilet while at the house.
I’ll be sure not to serve anything like chili or such.
Deal?
February 13th, 2007 at 6:04 am
Sorry, Fracas, but I must respectfully decline on the grounds that you’re a hottie. I mean, err, married. Err… Thpft.
March 12th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
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August 7th, 2007 at 1:04 am
[…] because Mark did. Well, I have to take what he does or says seriously. After all, he’s the real daddy of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby Dannielynn. He’s just a big enough guy to let Larry Birkhead get all the […]