Farfetched Fraternization

February 9th, 2007 at 7:38 pm by Mark
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     Even if Dannielynn Hope Smith  was old enough to respond to the question “Who’s your daddy?” I’m sure she’d still be confused.
     Since her birth four months ago to Anna Nicole Smith, there’s been wild speculation about the identity of the father.  At least, that’s what the Mass Media says to justify their feeding frenzy of late.

     At around 2:30PM EST on Thursday, February 8th, 2007, Anna died.

     A few moments later, her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead went public that he was the father, and that he would be taking Dannielynn to raise as his own.

     A few hours later, her attorney, Howard K. Stern (no relation to the shock-jock with the missing K.), went public that he was the father, and that he would fight Birkhead for custody of the four-month-old.

     Today, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Frederick von Anhalt, went public that he was the father, but has no intention of fighting Birkhead or Stern for custody.
     Given the Gabor sisters’ propensities to slap the Hell out of unsuspecting men, this move was a bit surprising.

     Now that there’s no one to deny it, I submit that I am the Father, given that I was conducting business in the immediate vicinity of Hollywood, Florida during the second week of April 2006.  Apparently, Anna Nicole and I used the same toilet within fifteen minutes of one another.