Toys and Philosophy

March 28th, 2007 at 7:17 pm by Zacque
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I recently cleaned out some of my old hard drives and found something I wrote a while ago but never shared.  A little something to think about when things get you down, moonbats drive you nuts, or you are fed up with everything.  

A Simple Analysis of 20th Century Thought:

  • Capitalism, he who dies owns the most toys wins.
  • Hari Krishna, he who plays with the most toys wins.
  • Catholicism, he who denies himself the most toys and little boys wins.
  • Anglican, the boys were our toys first.
  • Atheism, there is no toy or boy maker.
  • Polytheism, there are many toy or boy makers.
  • Evolutionism, the toys made themselves.
  • Church of Christian Scientist, we are the toys.
  • Communism, everyone gets the same number of toys and you are in big trouble if we catch you selling your toys or playing with them.
  • B’hai, all your toys and are fine by us.
  • Amish, toys with batteries are surely a sin.
  • Protesting Moonbatism, war toys are evil.
  • Good Ole Lefty, toys that are violent are to be rounded up and put into camps in order to become nonviolent toys.
  • Taoism, the stuffed rabbit is as important as the dump truck.
  • Mormonism, every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
  • Voodoo, let me borrow that doll for a while.
  • Hinduism, he who plays with plastic farm animals loses.
  • Seventh Day Adventist, he who plays with toys on Saturday loses.
  • Southern Baptist, if your toy is Disney product, you have a one-way ticket to hell.
  • Jehovah’s Witness, he who sells the most toys door to door wins.
  • Pentecostalism, he whose toys can speak wins.
  • Existentialism, toys are a figment of your imagination.
  • Confucianism, once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
  • Non-Denominationalism, we don’t care where the toys come from lets just play with them.
  • Agnosticism, it is not possible to know whether the toys make a bit of difference.
  • Unitarian Universalism, we still have not decided if the toys exist, much less how, where, or who made them.

Isn’t that nice?