The UP CLOSE and VERY PERSONAL edition.

GO TO HELL.

Go Straight to Hell. Do not collect two hundred dollars.

Image copyright © 2009 ME
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I love to read.  I rarely put down a book.  But it happens.  Usually after I realize it was written by a woman.  Sorry, does that make me sexist?  No?  I didn’t think so either.  It’s just that … well in real life women talk too much.  Really.  You do, and in too much detail.  This is where it bleeds into a woman’s  authoring skills.  Just too many thoughts and feelings for me to process and give a shit about.  So much so, that it sort of, well it pisses me off.  Instead of reading why so and so decided why she was going to go the beach at J Street instead of L Street, I’d much rather know her cup size and know that she is going to the beach.  And lets just hope she isn’t fat and ugly.  Which would of course beg the question as to why a guy would write about a fat ugly girl going to the beach in the first place…

So where is this coming from?  Let me tell you.

This morning I am reading Boobsday written in 2007 by Christopher Buckley and on page 66, 4th paragraph, 8th line down, first word is “mainframe”!  Mainframe?  Really?  In 2007, this guy writes a book about a blogger who is using a mainframe?  Holy shit.

Congratulations Chris, I have put down your book and in my opinion, you have joined the ranks of the women writers who can’t write for shit.  You are a pussy and are to be ever refered to as Christina.  You dillhole. [Note –  I decided to read the next few chapters of this book to see if he really meant to say mainframe.  I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, but only because ‘Thank You For Smoking’ was such a great film.]

Glenn

     Both LG Electronics and Phenom Communications have announced and/or released “wristwatch communicators” for US markets.

     Although, I don’t see any CDMA versions.  Nor do I see any Seiko- or Rolex-style wrist phones, which pretty well counts them out for me.  Much like I am too cool for Gamestop, I am also too cool to wear one of these embarrassing monstrosities. 😉

     Prior to their bombing run in Gaza on New Years Day, Israeli miltary telephoned many residents warning of the impending attacks.  Leaflets dropped in eastern Gaza, sonic missles used as auditory warnings, and soldiers mounting at the borders should have made the attack no surprise.  However, in typical fashion, these warnings were paid no mind, and the resulting devastation has led to a hornet’s nest of anti-Israeli and anti-US sentiment.
     “When you stand in front of a moving train where the conductors are continuously flashing the lights and blowing their steam horns, whose fault is it, really, when you get run over?” asked Sam Kelter, legal and political correspondent at blogitude.com.

     The surgical strike by Israel was largely successful in Gaza, where a militant mosque and more than twenty homes were leveled, homes which reportedly housed Hamas leaders, militants and weapons.  In addition, Hamas militant leader Nizar Rayan, his four wives, and ten of his twelve children were killed, dealing a significant blow to the Hamas power structure in the region.

     Gaza health officials claim more than seventeen hundred are wounded at present.  The United Nations claims that up to twenty-five percent of the dead may be civilians, while Hamas actually verifies that around fifty-percent of its security forces are deceased, along with as many as twenty-five children.  Whether or not these children were in Hamas homes is still unknown.

     The present death toll includes around four hundred people, four thousand sheep, seventy five dogs, twelve monkeys, six geese a-laying, and an unidentified meat puppet which may have been used in a Quiznos commercial.  No cats were injured during the bombing.

     Asked to comment on the situation, upcoming President Barack Obama replied, “Umm, yes, and, umm, I plan, umm, to address, umm, this situation, ummm, when we, ummm, you know, umm, January, ummm, by the end of the, ummm, by tax season.”
     It seems that our only hope of a diplomatic resolution to the situation may be in the verbal skills of future Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, whose previous statements regarding the War on Terrorism were, “I will not rule out the nuclear option.”