Every day when I get bored at work I start browsing around and usually end up on the Yahoo home page for a little while. What’s got me bothered is your stupid AUTOPLAY VIDEO AT HIGHEST VOLUME POSSIBLE policy. I mean c’mon, I’m trying to be discreet and shit and here you go again blasting news to the office or worse, some non-targeted commercial for tampons or something else I have no possible use for…
So — all I ask is that you identify my IP address and only play commercials that are focused soundly around beer, condoms, and breasts, or just plainly turn the sound to minimum and let me choose how loudly I want to hear things.
OK – so I realize that I’ve been away for a while with no excuse but the call has been loud and clear so to all of my faithful readers, you can sleep easy now knowing that I’m back on the job.
So where did we leave off? I believe I was just starting to get in the swing of criticizing that douche-bag Newt Gingrich. Or was it that pointy nosed chicken looking wife of his? While I can guarantee it was the later, I can also guarantee that no one cares about those two.
So what should we care about? Well, today we should care about farting. And we should care about its effect on our relationships. And we should care about how farting is perceived in the bedroom. And we should help our partners understand how it isn’t our fault. And we should help our partners become desensitized to the effects of farting. So men! Hear my call! It’s time to rally!
For tonight … we fart. And we fart with pride. And we fart knowing that others too are farting. So go forth, eat those beans, eat that corn, chug that pork. And tonight, when the time is right, we will all pull the covers over our heads and share our masterful trumpeting and odoriferous flatulence with our wives, our girlfriends, our lovers!
Welcome to the inaugural ‘National Dutch Oven Day’!