Archive for July, 2009

Harry Potter Pop a Cap in Yo’ Ass?

July 30th, 2009 at 2:06 pm by Mark
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     Quoth the caption, “The Half Blood Prince of Bel-Air is Harry Potter in the Hood:”

     H. Piddy be gangsta pimpin’ in the hiz-ouse?  Suuuuuuuure.  Of course, when it comes to his arch nemesis, it’s difficult to figure out which one is worse…

     It’s clearly obvious they’re both losers.

     For more than obvious reasons, I couldn’t help but be reminded of a Weird Al tune…

     And with that, I’m off to find a forty of Folgers.

Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Dead Script

July 18th, 2009 at 4:29 pm by Mark
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Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince     Some nights, people are up for a bit of self-inflicted boredom and self-abuse which doesn’t require imbibing copious amounts of alcohol and playing six thousand three hundred forty-two games of Solitaire.  If you’re one of those people, I suggest you go and see the latest installment of the Harry Potter franchise, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, at your local movie theater.

     The movie begins with the main character, Harry Potter (portrayed by the now 40-year-old Daniel Radcliff) standing bloody-nosed next to his “special” friend and mentor, Albus “Gaybeard” Dumbledore.  Next, Gaybeard cock-blocks Potter as he finally gets up the cajones to attempt the franchise’s first interracial romance.  This repeated cock-blocking continues, as Potter’s best friend Ron Weaseley begins flirting with every girl in the school, including Potter’s only hope of ever getting a piece, Hermione Grainger.

     The next seven hours (yes, the film was entirely too long) are filled with droll humdrum, an entirely-too-long game of Quidditch, and a few ridiculous assassinations combined with some rather unspectacular visual effects when compared to the other films.  The script itself takes a Star Wars-style detour as Vice Chancellor Snape assists Anakin Malfoy in destroying, err, wait … Well, anyway, yes, Obi-Wan Dumblodore is defeated, but will “only grow stronger.”  Whatever.

     Hopefully, the franchise will be redeemed with the next film, “Harry Potter Can’t Even Get Laid with a Horcrux.”