It’s also great to clean the white spots from your bathroom mirror so you can take more embarrassing, drunken selfies.

The first step in every 12-step program should be, “Put down the keyboard.”

I should have slept in ’til noon on this, the most Monday of Mondays.

WebMD: Taking the logic out of self-diagnosis since 1996.

I knew it was over when I saw a friend make the Facebook post, “Who gave Mr Manning hallucinogenics?? Poor thing looked like he didn’t recognize the football…”