Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

There’s Only One Brand Hipsters Choose for Water Filters

November 2nd, 2012 at 5:09 pm by Mark
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I laughed ’til I cried when I heard on a commercial, “Twitter is for stupid people, and Instagram is for stupid people who can’t read.”

Words With Friends Master

November 1st, 2012 at 5:35 pm by Mark
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I’ve never scored over 839 for an entire game of Words With Friends. I consider myself “decent” at it, bur not an expert. But if I were playing someone who scored nearly double my top game score for one word, I’d probably take the loss and Resign, myself…

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A Witch on Halloween?

October 31st, 2012 at 5:22 pm by Mark
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After hearing that someone’s dressing up as a Witch for Halloween, I thought, “That’s not altogether different from what she is every other day of the year, except that it’s usually with a capital B…”

Dirty Harry vs. Rain Man

October 30th, 2012 at 5:56 pm by Mark
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If the suspect had been an empty chair, Eastwood wouldn’t’ve repeated what it said…

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Latest Obama vs. Romney Polls

October 29th, 2012 at 9:27 pm by Mark
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The results are in. Regardless of the winner, we’re still gonna get screwed…