It’ll suck when they realize their 72 virgins are actually malcontented, elderly Catholic nuns.

Quick! Grab your receipt from the floorboard and demand a refund!

One of the biggest problems with people who claim to be “atheists” is their arrogant stance that Christianity is a complete hoax and that anyone who believes anything remotely religious is a complete idiot. They claim religious zealotry and intolerance are their driving force, yet are often even more full of vitriol than those who they oppose, so much so that they attack even moderate and tolerant Christians.

It’s confounding to find many U.S.-based atheists making apologies for religions such as Islam, while obsessively decrying Christianity. There’s also the issue that they’re overwhelmingly Democrats, claiming that Republicans are “all Evangelical Christians” and are “afraid of facts,” yet they refuse to believe the fact that 60% or more of Democrats are just as deeply religious, the fact that there are plenty of Christians who are gay, or the fact that Fred Phelps, the leader of the hate group The Westboro Baptist Church, is, in fact, a Democrat…

If they’re acting like this “for the common good,” as so many say, then at some point, you have to wonder “whose” common good, given their propensity towards pedantic, personal activism. Knowing a few of these types “modern atheists,” I often wonder: “Who’s the bigger zealot?”

But I always come to the same conclusion — hypocrisy is hypocrisy, and a zealot is a zealot, regardless of their religious or political ideology.

When cooking, I think the best alternative to nuts is sanity.