After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy.
Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.
April 8th, 2012 at 11:34 am by Mark
Tags: christianity, easter, eggs, holidays, religion
Approximately two thousand years after one guy was nailed to a tree for asking, “Hey, wouldn’t it be great if we could all be nice to each other?” most people still just don’t get the point.
Happy Easter!

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April 7th, 2012 at 10:30 am by Mark
Tags: advertising, birth control, condoms, innuendo, sex
Yes, you heard right. But that’s one seriously cheap kid, if you ask me … Much safer — and healthier — to hit the beer, errr, Condom aisle … Click this site for instant knockout here.

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April 6th, 2012 at 5:18 pm by Mark
Tags: bananas, flirting, food, innuendo, sex
This rule also applies to lollipops, popsicles, corn dogs, and other phallus-shaped items which may not be restricted entirely to food… Unless, of course, you’re trying to get someone’s attention…

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April 5th, 2012 at 5:15 pm by Mark
Tags: baby, marketing, orange, poop, University of Tennessee
As a reminder, baby poop comes in brown, green and orange.

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April 4th, 2012 at 5:16 pm by Mark
Tags: detachable penis, king missile, mr. potato head, penis
When I’m at work, I often find that I’ve left something I needed at home. Usually, it’s keys, my wireless mouse or paperwork. Mr. Potato Head could potentially forget a Hell of lot more, bringing to mind that bizarre King Missile song from a few years ago…

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