Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Why Netflix is Splitting Itself in Two

September 21st, 2011 at 1:00 pm by Mark
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After the last few months of rate hikes and the new decision by Netflix to split its DVD rental business away into a separate business called “Qwikster,” the blogosphere is rife with criticism. Some critiques, however, are more spot on than others…

Why Netflix is Splitting Itself In Two: A Cartoon by The Oatmeal

Things Could Always Get Worse

August 7th, 2011 at 9:00 pm by Mark
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Of course, given this case, a bad day would purely depend on your perspective.

The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this: You're a Siamese Twin.  Your brother, attached at your should, is gay.  You're not.  He has a date coming over tonight.  You only have one ass.

Stock Photos

Need Assault Rifle Accessories?

August 7th, 2011 at 10:00 am by Mark
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Like it or not, the best Assault Rifle accessory is still common sense.

Anonymous: "So I'm looking for a rail system for my ak. I find side rails fugly, but will settle for one if need be. was looking at something similar to what's in the pic, but idk if they suck or if they are for tacticool noobs. any input?"  Ivan Chesnokov: "WHY YOU WANT RAIL FOR KALASHNIKOV? IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH AS PROCURED FROM IZHEVSK MECHANICAL WORKS? YOU THINK NEEDS IMPROVEMENT? THEN MAYBE YOU FIND JOB WITH ARMY OF RUSSIA! YOU HAVE DRINKS WITH MIKHAIL KALASHNIKOV, TRADE STORY OF MANY WEAPONS DESIGNED AND DETAILS OF SCHOOL FOR ENGINEERING! OR MAYBE YOU DO NOT DO THIS. PROBABLY IS BECAUSE YOU NEVER DESIGN WEAPON IN WHOLE LIFE. YOU LOOK AT FINE RUSSIAN RIFLE, THINK IS NEED CRAZY SHIT STICK ON ALL SIDES OF WEAPON. YOU HAVE DISEASE OF AMERICAN CAPITALIST, CHANGE THING THAT IS FINE FOR NO REASON EXCEPT TO LOOK DIFFERENT FROM COMRADE. YOU PUT CHEAP FLASHLIGHT OF CHINESE SLAVE FACTORY ON ONE SIDE, YOU PUT BAD SCOPE OF AMERICAN MIDDLE WEST ON OTHER SIDE, YOU PUT FRONT PISTOL GRIP ON BOTTOM SO YOU THINK YOU ARE LIKE AMERICAN MOVIE GUY JOHN RAMBO. MAYBE YOU PUT SEX DILDO ON TOP TO FUCKING YOURSELF IN ASSHOLE FOR MAKING SHAMEFUL TRAVESTY OF RIFLE OF MIKHAIL KALASHNIOV, NO? RIFLE IS FINE. YOU FUCK IT, IT ONLY GET HEAVY AND STILL NO HIT LARGEST SIDE OF BARN. GO TO FIRING RANGE. PRACTICE WITH MANY MAGAZINE OF CARTRIDGE. THEN YOU NOT NEED DUMB SHIT PUT ON SIDE OF RIFLE."

Kiss of Life

August 6th, 2011 at 11:00 am by Mark
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When later informed of the tragedy, Larsen’s girlfriend replied, “Umm, you’re still doing it wrong” …

Fireman giving 'kiss of life' accidentally inhales kitty, Gannett Rochester Newspapers.  "A brave fireman was rushed to the hospital for injuries suffered in the line of duty after he swallowed a tiny kitten while trying to revive it with the kiss of life," the "Sun" reports in its Sept. 7 issue.  Firefighter Steve Larsen, 34, was inside a burning warehouse near Stockhold, Sweden, when he found a 6 ounce kitten gasping for air. "He ran over and started to do CPR on the kitten," Fire Chielf Harald Thorenson is quoted as saying. "I was standing right next to him and the next thing I knew, he gulped real hard and swallowed the animal." The kitten did not survive, but animal rights activists plan to honor Larsen.

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Stupid Math Tricks: The Movie Test

August 6th, 2011 at 4:00 am by Mark
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This one also knows when you’re lying.

Movie Test. Try this test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out what movie is your favorite. It really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of the 18 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how. Pick a number from 1-9. Multiply by 3. Add 3. Multiply by 3 again. Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below. Mine was "Star Wars" - exactly right! So be honest, and do it before you scroll down to see the list below. It's easy and it works. Now look up your number in the list below... 1. Gone with the Wind. 2. E.T. 3. Beverly Hills Cop 4. Star Wars 5. Forrest Gump 6. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly 7. Jaws 8. Grease 9. The Joy of Anal Sex With a Goat 10. Casablanca 11. Jurassic Park 12. Shrek 13. Pirates of the Caribbean 14. Titanic 15. Raiders of the Lost Ark 16. Home Alone 17. Mrs. Doubtfire 18. Toy Story  It is really amazing, isn't it?