Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Has Your Dog Been Tested?

September 18th, 2014 at 5:42 pm by Mark
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Truth be known, if your dog looks like a chihuahua got raped by a jackal and you tell me it’s an Australian Shepherd, you’re probably an idiot.

World Cup 2014: France vs. Germany

July 1st, 2014 at 5:38 pm by Mark
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With only days left before the FIFA World Cup 2014 match between Germany and France, there’s only one question on everyone’s minds.

Does the French World Cup Team Have a Time Limit Before It Can Surrender?

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Washington Redskins Name Found Offensive

June 20th, 2014 at 5:18 pm by Mark
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The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office canceled the Washington Redskins’ trademark, effective 18-Jun-2014 because US trademark law does not permit registration of trademarks that “may disparage” individuals or groups. This doesn’t necessarily require the Redskins to change their name as of yet, but will certainly add fuel to the fire for the entire [ridiculous] debate.

Breaking News: Washington Redskins drop the word "Washington" from their name because it's embarrassing.

Too Many Lincolns

June 14th, 2014 at 5:01 pm by Mark
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I can only channel the old Dr. Pepper commercial and say, “Wouldn’t you like to be a Lincoln, too?”

Facebook: "The new Lincoln Continential has got to be the best looking classic car that's being brought back. Suicide doors and everything!"  Reply: Stick-car, "I'm a Lincoln."  Reply: President Lincoln.  Reply: Andrew Lincoln from the Walking Dead.

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Would an Atheist Just Ignore It?

April 20th, 2014 at 5:30 pm by Mark
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It is surprising the number of people who can dish it out, but can’t take it any more. 😉

Put a Darwin fish on a Christian's car, noone panics because it's all "part of the plan."  Place a Jesus fish on an Atheist's car then everyone loses their minds!