Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

How to Make the World a Better Place

February 24th, 2014 at 1:01 pm by Mark
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It seems inexcusable that some people exist simply to make other’s lives miserable. But have hope! There is a cure…

The world would be a much better place if everyone took a chill pill.  It would be a even better if some of them choked on it.

Aptly Named Gynecologist?

February 23rd, 2014 at 9:38 pm by Mark
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I suppose since it’s been 47 years since his graduation, this OB/GYN was really popular in the 70’s…

Dr. Harry C. Beaver, MD, Male, Obstetrics & Gynecology

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Facebook: The Dog Show

February 23rd, 2014 at 7:02 pm by Mark
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Some smart-ass quips deserve a Kelso Award.

Mimi on Facebook: "At the dog show with my mom. Yay!"  Charlie: "Did you win?" BURN!

The Perfect Watch

February 23rd, 2014 at 5:54 pm by Mark
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Not a single, name brand watch in the world can make the claim of being, “The Most Accurate Watch Ever.” This one has the added benefit of being 100% accurate for time travelers, as well.

Most Accurate Watch Ever.  "NOW."

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Signs for Humans & Canines

February 22nd, 2014 at 7:53 pm by Mark
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This is about as good an idea as braille on drive-through ATM’s, only because everyone knows dogs can’t read.

People: Please clean up after your dog.  Dogs: Grrr Bark Bark Woof Grrrrr Bark