Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

A Diabolical Plan

February 19th, 2014 at 5:16 pm by Mark
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They must’ve really thought outside the box for this one…

Our plan is so diaboloical, I can barely contain myself.

Gun-Shaped Cloud

February 19th, 2014 at 1:58 pm by Mark
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Zero-tolerance anti-gun laws in schools and airports are getting completely out of hand…

Local 6: "Gun Shaped Cloud Spotted Over School: All students suspended for 5 days."

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Bored at the Office? Try Doing Your Job

February 18th, 2014 at 5:12 pm by Mark
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The paradox of people saying they’re bored at work while simultaneously complaining that there’s too much work has always baffled me. That said, when work problems become increasingly droll and cerebral, some managers understand that allowing pressured employees to back off for a few moments at time may increase both morale and creativity.

Office Boredom: You're Doing it Right (metal guy made of binder clips)

Fix Duckface with Photoshop

February 18th, 2014 at 3:11 pm by Mark
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I foresee the next big trend in Photoshop shenanigans. This comes after other popular trends, such as turning perfectly innocent photos into porn, and turning porn into perfectly innocent cartoons.

Nor sure if posing for pic... or just eating invisible spaghetti

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

What Do You Do During a Camel Attack?

February 17th, 2014 at 7:54 pm by Mark
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Whichever you choose, be prepared to clean a rancid mess out of your child’s hair that’s going to stink for at least a week.

Your child is being eaten by a camel.  Do you... A) save your child? or B) take a photo?