Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Superbowl 2014

February 2nd, 2014 at 9:01 pm by Mark
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I knew it was over when I saw a friend make the Facebook post, “Who gave Mr Manning hallucinogenics?? Poor thing looked like he didn’t recognize the football…”

Last Great Run By a Bronco?  June 17th, 1994

Acronym Fail

February 2nd, 2014 at 5:08 pm by Mark
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The trick is to never, ever try and make up an acronym that has any of your own initials…

Schwartz: "S.I.N.G.L.E. - Stay Intoxicated Nightly, Get Laid Everyday"  Raza: ""S.I.N.G.L.E. - Schwartz Is Never Getting Laid... Ever..."  Schwartz: "......fuck, i gotta get rid of this"  Ryan: "S.I.N.G.L.E. - Schwartz Is Nibbling Guys Large Erections"  Weiss: "Schwartz is normally getting loose exes"  Weiss: "Schwartz is not good looking either"  Ryan: "S.I.N.G.L.E. - Schwartz Invented Nasty Gay Licking Events?"  Schwartz: "This was a miserable failure on my part."

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Drunk Aliens

February 1st, 2014 at 7:55 pm by Mark
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The same could be said to Justin Bieber…

Go Home, Aliens.  You're Drunk.

Ironic Vandalism

February 1st, 2014 at 5:34 pm by Mark
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Sometimes, vandalism is clever enough that it almost excuses it…

Things I Hate: 1. Vandalism 2. Irony 3. Lists

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

World Peace or Nearly Unlimited Wealth?

January 31st, 2014 at 5:07 pm by Mark
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While it’s true that money could buy a lot of Peace, it could also cause a lot more headaches. World Peace would just as fleeting, because you’re simply not going to change everyone no matter what you do. Given this case, neither choice has any permanence, so it’s difficult to make a decision.

If you could choose between World Peace and Bill Gates' money... what color would your Lamborghini be?