After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy.
Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.
December 19th, 2013 at 5:53 pm by Mark
Tags: drinking, Jesus, sarcasm, walgreens, water, wine
I’ve been craving a nice bottle of Merlot the last couple of days. Maybe I should invite Him over to fix up this case of Deer Park in the kitchen…

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December 18th, 2013 at 5:07 pm by Mark
Tags: breasts, cellphones, cleavage, cops, facebook, law, tickets
As some women do — and we all know at least one — she’ll likely end up driving away without a ticket due to her ability to, “utilize her assets.” Whoever said, “Justice is blind,” obviously never had to deal with a pair of 36D’s in a push-up bra.

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December 17th, 2013 at 5:02 pm by Mark
Tags: innuendo, operation, reindeer, rudolph
Is it possible that Donner & Bess had an inappropriate tryst with one of the toys from the workshop? It certainly might explain Rudolph’s nose…

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December 16th, 2013 at 5:39 pm by Mark
Tags: cowboys, football, interceptions, packers, tony romo
After the Cowboys-Packers game, Tony Romo went to both KFC and Arby’s and was informed that they were all out of Turnovers…

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December 15th, 2013 at 5:56 pm by Mark
Tags: dress, funny signs, wedding dress, weddings
There sure are a lot of those out there these days…

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