Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

OCD Makes Decision-Making Nearly Impossible

March 12th, 2013 at 7:12 pm by Mark
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If you’re OCD, no matter which way you go, you’ve screwed up.

Hardest OCD Decision of My Life: $39.99, 10.000 Gallons

Racist Product Ads

March 11th, 2013 at 9:28 pm by Mark
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Given the current socio-political atmosphere, it’s absolutely impossible not to offend someone when attempting to advertise a product. Taco Bell upset Vegetarians, Coca Cola upset Arab-Americans and Volkswagen didn’t upset Jamaicans — but totally pissed off a bunch of white Americans who wanted to cry racism. This Aquafresh ad is dedicated to those people…

Aquafresh: Teeth So White They Can't Dance.

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Facebook Status Hack? Check. Phone Prank? Check.

March 10th, 2013 at 1:42 pm by Mark
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This is the perfect time to perform the otherwise useless skill of yelling, “Dude! She called you a scruffy-looking nerf-herder!” in Shyriiwook.

I gained access to my friend's Facebook account. This was the only logical thing to do. Status: "I'm giving 10 bucks to the person who calls me with the best Chewbacca impression within the next 20 minutes. I expect the line will be busy, so don't linger when you call."

Age Test: Cassette Tape and a BIC Pen?

March 9th, 2013 at 5:38 pm by Mark
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If you get this, it doesn’t mean you’re old. It just means you have a sick mind.

Cassette Tape and a Bic Pen Have a Cigarette

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Rear-View Mirror Fail

March 8th, 2013 at 5:34 pm by Mark
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Have you ever seen something in the rearview mirror that made you turn around and do a double-take? Happens to me all the time…

License Plate: JANA looks like ANAL in the rearview.