Back in July, Swanky had his meticulously planned First Annual Luau at his place.  Sure, maybe it’s a little presumptuous, thinking that it’s gonna be an Annual event, but it was truly a great party.
     A *lot* of people showed up (sixty-plus) to eat and drink heavily, and everyone played nice together.  Where else but Swanky’s Annual Luau are you gonna get sixty people together and not end up with a fight, hurt feelings or annoyance?  (Note the hint, Swanky)

     The next day after cleaning up the yard — kudos to the conscientious crowd who knew how to decently dispose of their debris — the DogCats were extremely affectionate.
     Now, if you’re not familiar with the DogCats, they’re a couple of rather large Maine Coon Cats who play fetch, stand up, chase cars, attack strangers who come into yard and Rottweilers being walked by their owners.  Just imagine your average German Shepherd with needle-sharp teeth and razor claws, and that’s pretty much their overall demeanor.
     After a nice session of fetch with the branches in the yard, the younger of the two decided to take a rest from which little could stir him.  Swanky threw a branch on him.  The younger younger DogCat flinched, bit it a couple of times, and laid back down.
     This, of course, prompted Swanky, Ms. Swanky and I to start throwing more on him.

     Of course, the fun didn’t stop there.  He just laid there while we added more and more.

     “Oh, man, this is great!  It’s Catmouflage!” I said as I piled a few more on.
     The laughter brought the elder DogCat closer to observe the situation.

     If I didn’t didn’t mention it before, yeah, the DogCats can talk, too.  I think his exact words were, “Umm… what the Hell are you people doing?  Umm … You realize you three are idiots, right?”

     Of course, he went to check on his younger sibling, who appeared to be quite “dead” at the time….

     …however, his concern was met with a sharp tag on the nose by his little brother’s outstretched paw.

     We continued, but the very last branch, much larger than the rest, was enough for him.

     One flip, and he walked right out.

     And that was that.

     Note to PETA and the SPCA: No DogCats were harmed during this excercise.  Neither were any sheep or rams.  Please do not attempt with normal cats.

     Good times, good times…

After having a but too much of the Holiday Spirit (perhaps several of them) and getting too smashed to drive, it seems that a 31-year-old German Civil Servant added insult to injury by proving that he was also entirely too drunk to dial.

On his drive home from one round after another of alcoholic merriment, a 31-year-old German man was befallen by a blow-out. Rather than change the tyre himself, he decided to keep his hands clean and leave the dirty work to the breakdown services.

 

The jolly civil servant, who had a blood alcohol level seven times that of the legally allowed limit, had his license taken away eight years ago, and was driving a borrowed car, dialled what he believed to be the number of roadside assistance, and blurted out his tiddled tale.

 

“My car is broken and I need you to come and fix it,” he said. “And you’d better be quick because I’m really pretty drunk and I don’t have a licence so it wouldn’t be good if the cops drove past.”

 

It wasn’t until he was done with his inebriated rant that he realised he was not talking to a breakdown service at all, but to none other than the police from whom he was so keen to hide.

 

“He wanted us to come quickly, so we did,” said a police spokesman in the western town of Monheim.

Can you Say, “Dummkopf!” Boy and Girls?

I knew you could.