Posts Tagged with "eddie-izzard"

Artistry – Issue 1, Volume 1.

June 10th, 2007 at 3:31 pm by Zacque
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Well as I slipped, tripped, and stuck my in your wife, (see the ever-changing logo above), I remembered an Eddie Izzard skit from Dress to Kill:

But we’ve got known in Britain for making the smaller films, you know. Recently, we’ve been pulling out of that into the more “Trainspotting” area, but the smaller films, they’re kind of “a room with a view with a staircase and a pond”-type movies. Films with very fine acting, but the drama is rather sort of subsued and – subsumed or – a word like that. Sub- something or another. You know, just folded in and everything’s people opening doors.

“Oh, I’m – oh, what? Well, I’ve – oh.”

“What is it, Sebastian? I’m arranging matches.”

“Well, I – I thought you – … I’d better go.”

“Yes, I think you’d better had.” ( sings morose melody )

And you can’t eat popcorn to that! You’re going ( mimes trying to eat popcorn but getting frustrated  and sighs ).

Whereas if the film did any little bit of business in America, if the film did some decent bit of business, then Hollywood would take it, and they’d remake it, and they’d up the budget by 50 million and it’d be called, “The Room With A View of Hell!” “Staircase of Satan!” “Pond of Death.” And have people open the door, going,

“You’re fucking in here all the time! All the time you’re in here with the fucking matches! In here with the fucking matches! You’re fucking doing and fucking ( clucking )”

“You don’t talk to me that way! You don’t talk to me that way! You fuck my wife? You fuck my wife? You fuck my wife? You fuck my wife? You fuck my wife?”

“I am your wife!”

“That doesn’t matter! That doesn’t matter! I say again, you fuck my wife?”

“All right, yes, I fucked your wife. I am your wife, and I fucked her.”

” ( Nonsensical ) fucking matches – I can’t get ’em… I’m going to drive around town and put babies on spikes.”

( sounds of babies sliding on the spikes )

“Oh, no! Space monkeys are attacking!” A whole new part of the film that wasn’t in the original! ( mimics battle sounds )

“Damn, its jammed!” ( dialing on mobile ) “Janine, I love you really, even though you fucked my wife…” ( big explosion )

( mimics eating and drinking everything in sight while watching ) “It’s a fucking handbag. With a brick in it! It’s the Queen! Don’t know who that is…” Yeah.

And then I thought to myself, “Gee, Mark hasn’t posted and unknown artist this week… ” Comedy even in word form is art.  (Especially if someone can cover an existing work in feces or make an object out of it and then it is placed in MoMA.)  So I present to you a teacher, who not unlike some of us here at shares a wonderful ability to play with the mind using words.  Always speaking his mind,  Taylor Mali, is simply here to make you use your head for something besides a hat rack.