Apparently someone remembered that whole bit about Egypt back in the day…

Note: If this offended you as being “racist,” your sarcasm level may be low. Please refill and try again.

Justin Bieber is eighteen years old now — a grown woman, perfectly able to take care of herself.

This is why education is important for police officers and politicians…

Don’t worry, young Skywalker. Everything’ll be fine now that Michael Jackson showed up.

While being interviewed by police during booking, it was determined the thief was, indeed, full of shit.